To agree to a D or not..... that is the question

[BeingMe]

Hi ACJ! Just caught up with your sitch. Haven't been on the bb for some time. Phew! So much has happened to you.

Firstly, your S15 is a smart cookie ... he knows how to manipulate you, and make you feel guilty. I doubt he feels rejected by you ... he's just playing the emotional guilt game. As someone said, above, no kid takes correction with a happy face (ad libbing here).

Secondly, your son is getting his cue from his dad on how to treat you and his family. Your WAH is the one teaching him how to be a man, by his own example, so I don't know how he is going to change that unless he changes himself. Pity he can't take his own advice re the convo he had with S15 regarding friends, etc.

Thirdly, family can suck sometimes. Your brother was rude, and childish. Honestly, this was his N18's big day .... couldn't he just suck it up, whatever IT was. I have a family that drives me insane sometimes with the things they come up with ... i.e. getting offended when no offense was intended (aagghhh!!!!). Just let it slide off your back. Not worth the stress of thinking about it, and how you can make it right. Leave that up to your brother, and his family. His daughter is obviously going through her teen drama. Ugh! I can imagine, though, that this was just not something you needed right now.

Not sure if this will help you, but here is a link to a parenting discipline questionnaire (Dr. Phil's) where you can check if you are parenting your kids to the best of your ability. http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/255 From what I can tell, there are only two things on there that can be an issue for you, one of which you have no control over since your WAH doesn't seem capable of co-parenting with you, and giving out a united, parental front (as you have tried to get from him, but not been able to really ... that is his foolishness, not yours).

Dr. Phil isn't everyone's cup of tea, but I have learned some really good strategies for my own life's challenges, especially with children. Here is what he says about parenting by example: "Tool #7: Parenting By Example
The most powerful role model in any child's life is the same-sex parent. It's a fact that children learn vicariously by observing the behavior of others and noting the consequences of their actions. They watch what happens to family members when they succeed or fail and those experiences become a reference for how they live. This is known as modeling.

Through your actions, words, behavior and love, you can direct your children to where you want them to go. Show them how to be happy, well-balanced and fulfilled adults. Shed any negative attitudes. Dump self-destructive behavior patterns. Turn up the positive attitude."

I found the above here: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/165

You have done all you could, and have tried your best, IMO. Maybe, letting your S15 go stay with his dad, is a last resort to getting through to him. He is just at a very difficult age, and your WAH couldn't have picked a worse time to leave his family.

Stay strong, because you are, and you sound it despite all the negative challenges you are facing.