i'm clueless....

[Dom R]

Wow.....

WAY TO GO ANN !!!!

That was fantanstic!!

both in your courage to finally face him about things, and also in how you handled it. Wonderful! I am so happy for you!!

I have some further advice for you now:

Do NOT just sit back and "let him think about it" indefinately.

If you wait for a few days and say nothing... I think that things will all just fade away, and he'll pretend you never had your talk.

I think that you need to keep it "fresh" in his mind to some degree. Yet without being overly .... naggy? nasty?


I think that the really tough "time to be nasty/confrontational" time is now mostly over, at least for a while.

Now I think that he may be more open to a "together" approach.

Maybe just a LITTLE bit each night... For a few minutes each night, ask how his thoughts are, and stuff like that.

I think you had a fantastic breakthrough, in that both he talked about his not trusting anyone.. AND that he stil trusts you "more than anyone else", even if he cant trust you completely.
I think that's a really encouraging sign of a solid foundation that you can build on together. That's so good !!

(Wow... so happy for you )


I think that the most important thing right now, is to "strike while the iron is hot". To Nudge him a little to keep things fresh... and if he cant come up with a plan to improve things in the next few days... "strongly" suggest that the two of you start some kind of MC. as in, Right Now. And/or one of the "marriage intensive" weekend things, if one is available to you two.

That will be the next time you may need to be as forceful as you were last night.
If he and you can come up with some way to start on a path to improve things.. great! But if you two are out of ideas.... then it would probably benefit you both to go hear what some professionals suggest ASAP.

It would probably help if you put it like that;
IE: going to marriage counselling, is not about "going to someone and having them take over your life". It should be about talking to someone with a lot of experience, and having them suggest things that could be helpful to the two of you, based on their experience


oh. and one more word of warning:

good news... i think i realized where my biggest problem in our R is right now. His lack of trust in me.

It's certainly a huge issue, at an emotional level. But i dont think it's "the biggest issue".
I think that the biggest issue at a practical level, is that he doesnt spend enough time with you.
Nearer to the baby coming, and afterwards, that will be even MORE important to you, than it is now. You're going to have to really prioritize "spending positive time together", or it's not going to happen, right?

So, my suggestion to you is: dont let yourself get side-tracked. Prioritize, both in terms of general importance, but also in terms of "what do you need to be better, right now?"
Yes, the trust issue is important. But dont let that distract you from the more immediate, pressing, practical needs in your relationship.