Midst of D, R even further on the downswing

[NoDirection]

UPDATE

Since I had the temporary custody order put into place, things have been somewhat stable for my S. I am getting to see him more and he is getting a somewhat more stable routine in his life.

My STBX is still taking shots at me. Last Saturday, she had the OM come to teh house to pick her up for their date. She has also left the house a complete pig sty.

A few more months and I am done, she can live the life she wants and I do not have to deal with her. In teh meantime, I am acting "as if" and going about my everyday business. Some of wehat my future holds looks promising and there are a few things that I can not avoid. But, I am going to try and make the best of them anyway...

[NoDirection]

UPDATE

I have to say, the last week or so has been somewhat civil between my STBX and I, until yesterday afternoon.

We were assigned to go to a parenting class by the courts for later this month. My STBX tells me that she can not go since she will be out of town that weekend. She also tells me that she was taking our son with her that weekend. The problem was that it is my weekend to have him. I told her that she was not going to take him and that she could have him on her birthday, which is the Sunday of that weekend. She then completely lost it. Calling me a "f@#*ing a*@hole" numerous times and storming out of the house. All in front of our S nonetheless.

We then left for my cousins baseball game, since our S is a huge baseball fan. I receive a text stating that Jack will be with her the weekend of my birthday. That meant she sat down with a calendar and mapped out the weekends until my birthday, which is in November mind you...

It is utterly amazing how much she can not handle in all of this. It is going to be a big surprise when things really start to unfold...

[NoDirection]

Update

I finally think things are going to wind down in regards to the D. The earlisest we can get things finalized is the third week of June but it seems as if it is so close that I can taste it. I can't say this website did help me salvage my marriage but once I realized that this marriage is not salvagable, I was able to move on... I was only able to realize that once I gained a perspective which this website helped me with.

I came to the understanding that I can only control myselgf and do things that make people want to be with me. Even after trying to do that to rekindle my M, it failed miserably. I feel liberated to a degree by this experience and I feel that I have learned a great deal about myself and relationships as a whole. The one person that I still feel miserable about is my S. He is going to really only know his parents as separate people. The family that I wanted for him and the home I wanted to provide him is not going to be there and for that I still struggle almost on an everyday basis...

I know I have the future and I can still provide the home that he needs but there will always be something missing that may never be replaced. I will always have that feeling of letting him down but this would be better than lying to him about how a M should be...