Stronger - but still confused

[Snow White]

Things are really heating up. H just called cause his friend J left a message for him to return his call wanted to know if I told him - I didn;t. He has not talked to J in a few months(avioding just like he has everyone else in his life). J owns the house OW lives in. This could mean one of a few things.

1. someone else told, he is upset H got him to rent his ow a house when he and I are good friends.

2. J who makes a habit of keeping an eye on the house has noticed that H is living there (if this is the case which I don't even know)

3. H really has been stalking ow and it was the last straw when his mom showed up last night and she called J.

4. nothing he just called his friend

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Hmmmm; interesting. Just be sure to tell the truth, and don't apologize or shelter him from any natural consequences of his adultery:

"No, I didn't tell him, but it doesn't surprise me that he knows -- people talk. I'm sure it won't be the first one you'll have to deal with, as these things have consequences."

[Snow White]

Well mystery solved, H's mom called J last night told him the whole story and asked for the address to ow's house. J gave her the address and she headed down there, as well J called the co owner of the house W who also went down there and searched the surrounding area for H's car(ow has a contract that no one lives there but her and D). He did not see H's car anywhere but he did see FIL pounding on the door. J went to H's work today to talk to him as his parents are worried about him and to try to let him know people are concerned about where he is and what he is doing.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Well mystery solved, H's mom called J last night told him the whole story and asked for the address to ow's house. J gave her the address and she headed down there, as well J called the co owner of the house W who also went down there and searched the surrounding area for H's car(ow has a contract that no one lives there but her and D). He did not see H's car anywhere but he did see FIL pounding on the door. J went to H's work today to talk to him as his parents are worried about him and to try to let him know people are concerned about where he is and what he is doing.

I think I need a flowchart . . .

[GoingForward]

Sounds like everything's coming to a head, Neecy.

Do not shield your H from his mistakes. Time for him to reap what he sowed. It's the only way he might learn.

(((Hugs)))

[Snow White]

Sounds like everything's coming to a head, Neecy.

So yesterday was interesting, and the whole world is keeping an eye on OW's house since H claims he doesn;t go there and she is not allowed live ins. How embarassing. Really it would be my worst nightmarenow to have one of my close friends come up to me and tell me that they have discovered he is staying there because of course they will have all discussed how sorry they are for me first.

H was really the kindest he has been in this tyoe of situation yesterday before this any time anything was the least bit stressful he brought it back on me. He did say that he didn;t think we should have the talk last night that he suggested on Sunday because after the day hehadit would not be productive. I agreed and didn;t push. I told him that there was a birthday party for his grandma on saturday and he said he would be there(i am shocked) and what are we taking as a gift. He was supposed to come over tonight after work. As I mentioned in an earlier post today is normally his day off but they are doing something in his stores where they empty the entire stock room steam clean everything and shrink wrap and today was the day for his store. He called me at work first at noon to vent how stupid it was, and then at 4 to say he didn;t know what time he would be getting out of there. He kept contacting me about little things all night. Then at about 7 sent a text saying that he would come over tomorrow after he went to his parents. I told him I didn't think we would be here. I was going to take D to the Great Wolf Lodge. H-that sounds like fun Me - yes last day for $99 remember I asked you last month if we should all go. Yes I remember then a few minutes later, maybe I will meet you down there.

Should I have said no? I didn't I just said I need an answer ahead of time so I can get a wrist band.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Actually, Neecy, I think you should have just said "OK, but I don't think we'll be here."

And then tell him nothing more.

Puppy

[Snow White]

don't I have to tell him what I am doing with a 4 year old espescially if we will be gone over night?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I didn't know you meant overnight, but still -- no, you don't. If he texts you, you can simply say "We're fine, I'll see you in the morning."

In my opinion, your husband has abdicated his responsibilities, and with it his right of knowing where his family is at all times. Far too much texting and wanting to know your goings-on, when he's made it clear he wants no part of the marriage.

But that's just me.

Puppy

[Snow White]

I agree that he asks too much but think that he shoud know about D. Tonight she was asking about him more than ever. I was going to suprise her with GWL but she saw it on the computer, said hey that looks like GWL. I said it is would you like to go there again someday? She said how about tomorrow. Well D we are going tomorrow! then she says do you think we can tell my daddy to come? I said it is for mommy and you, if he shows she will be excited if he doesn;t she will never know he thought about it. She mentioned at another point daddy lives at his friends house now and grandma isn;t happy.