Just wanted to also say I feel for you, and am so sorry H is doing this to you. Amazing how they will continue to lie even when the truth is staring you in the face. Almost like they are trying to deceive themselves as much as trying to deceive you. Be strong. You'll get through this.
Me45 W35 M6 T8 D16 SD11 D0 Dec 07: Bomb July 08: Busted! Thread
H came home at 9pm and had a whole story about where he was all day. First he had to work until 3 instead of 1:30, then he went to work out (ummm...all of his workout stuff was here at the house) then he got something to eat and went to see a movie alone. He is so admament that there is no other woman. He almost had me convienced until I said, "where are the flower?" And he said "there are no flowers, they are gone." And I asked "where did they go?" He said, "they went no where." I could see that this conversation was also going no where and I said, "I didn't know you were a magician."
Starting today I am ending contact with him. Until he can prove to me that there is no affair and he is starting to take those steps towards a marriage, I am not going to do anything with him. No more meals together, no more watching TV together, no more conversations, etc.
I know everyone says how I need to get him out of the house. I have tried and the man won't leave! So this just seems to be the next best thing at the moment. I hope it is a wake up to him that I am sick of his games and I am not going to live like this again.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Thinking good things for you Sara. Yep... Go dark. Time for the cycle to be broken... sometimes a shot in the arm is what's needed for them to start to regrow their brains.
big hugs Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
I think going dark is a great idea, Sara! You have to do the best actions for your sitch and that sounds good to me! Don't forget to GAL also and do some fun stuff for you b/c you deserve it!!! Karen
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
who pays the majority of the bills? you, correct? then you have the authority to tell him to leave and give him 2wks to get his crap out of your house! I'm sorry you are in this hell Star)))))))))))))) I remember being there just this Jan, finding out about H still pursuing ow, the hurt, the anger.
Tell him that you guys need to separate until he cuts off all contact with ow and he is ready to really work with you on the M. If he can't afford it is not your problem (your H is eerily similar to my stbx, asking for stuff he isnt' entitled to just because he needs it and is in bad shape financially.)
He is using you until he gets on his feet and goes on his merry way (hugs, dinner, BTDT) the guilt and the covering of tracks, that is what could be happening here with his little gestures. Going dark on him will just give him license to do whatever he wants without being accountable to you since you won't be talking to him. It is not your problem if he has no $$ to live on his own, let him sleep on a friends' couch, whatever.
The bs excuses he gave you are JUST like the bs I got when stbx was with ow, like, when he actually wanted me to believe he had 2 phone plans...on the same phone.
Anyways, hon, again, I'm so sorry, I wouldnt' wish this agony on anybody, hang in there gal)))))))))))))))))
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
So do you think I need to go a lawyer and start legal seperation? The courts saying that he has to leave is going to be the only way he can leave. I have looked into this a LOT and because his name is on the mortage along with mine, I have no legal right what so ever to make him leave. He can get the police to arrest me if I wont' let him in and allow him in the house. The only way I could get around it is if I lie and say that he is physically abusing me. He isn't. I am going to try this going dark on him for at least 5 days or so and see what happens. If that is a cheeseless tunnel, then I will go the next route.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Star, Is MO a no fault divorce state? If not, then you can get him on adultery. Who knows you may even be able to do this anyway. See about getting a free consultation with a lawyer and seeing what your options are to get him out of the house.
I think sometimes a wake up/reality call is exactly what they need to see that they can't continue to cake eat. Believe me I don't say this pointing fingers. I let my H cake eat for several months, you could probably say he even visited the buffet several times. I finally stood up to him and things are much better between us.
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I actually live in Illinois (just a few miles away from St. Louis) and I could D him for adultry. However...I am totally NOt at that point and going to a lawyer about this scares the crap out of me.
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Karen