My husband said he needed more space....

[JenInVen]

Thanks for the input Seek and no you aren't barging in. I appreciate what you posted. Right now an apology wouldn't be appropriate because I keep rehashing the same thing over and over and then apologizing each time. He tells me "it's no sense apologizing if you're going to do the same thing again and again" The purest form of apologizing with my sitch is to stop making the same mistakes.

Jen

[cw68]

Instead of apologizing for something you did, just say, "Sorry we ended up arguing yesterday." and then go on to something else. You will be acknowledging that it isn't cool, but not putting the blame on either of you.

Take a clue from our hubbies: now is your time to withdraw a little bit.

My simple advice: rubber band. It really worked for me.

[stella_k]

((((Jen)))),

sorry about the backslide.

Check out this site. http://www.pivotpoint4u.com/page/page/4700267.htm

A friend of mine is practicing EFT and told me to try it. I just started but it feels like it really works (esp for dealing with anger/anxiety/fear).

[JenInVen]

Thanks guys!

So about 7 hours after the arguement yesterday he picked us up and brought us home. No arguing just chit chat. He said he'd pick D up in the morning.

Today around 9:30 am he called me to bring her down. I brought her down chatted for 5 minutes and then I went to the drug store and they left in car. H said he didn't have a plan for the day. I said ok and went off.

Called him once to get a password for a website and he said he was going to buy D a gift for the swim meet.

He called around 7pm for me to come down and get her. Said he wasn't coming up. I went down and he was in the car (it was running) and D was coming around the corner. I opened the door let her in and waved bye to H. Then I remembered he needs to take her to school in the am so I texted him just that and why. He writes back "Nice to remind me now through text message. You are so childish you know? It's easier to hate you than anything...That's fine though. I'll be there at 7am. Have her ready downstairs at that time please." So I explained in a couple texts that I didn't have anything to say and I didn't want to argue. He then says that a "hi" is common courtesy. I told him that he seemed in a rush because D was out of the car before I even reached the building entrance. He told me that it's not worth his texting and he'll see me tomorrow. I told him maybe I was a bit bitchy and sorry for giving him the cold shoulder.

I was trying to be a little dim but I think I was cold/rude. He just sat in the car with it running and wouldn't bring her up like he usually does so why should I have made an effort to chat with him? Ok if I put it that way it does seem childish doesn't it? I'm not trying to make him hate me! All he needs is for me to be friendly and not act skitzy on him. Simple right?

I need to put more thought and effort into this. I think H even thought about coming home in the beginning but I'm pushing him away more every day. I'll do my best to be sweet and kind with him and act as if everythings fine. Can't let him see me like this anymore. I feel like Jekyl and Hyde. I'm getting the opposite of what I really want but continuing on this path.

I don't feel as if I had another backslide but I do want to kick myself really, really hard.

Jen

[seekpeaceofmind]

Maybe you had a childish thought, but I don't think you need to take all of the blame for what went wrong in that interaction. Your first text doesn't seem like something that should warrant that level of hostility from H. Maybe he had a guilty conscience about his own rudeness and childishness to just drop your D at the curb and decided the best defense was to go on the offensive.

[JenInVen]

I thought it was pretty bad that he didn't even get out of the car. I think deep down I was PO because he could have brought her up or at least gotten out of the car. BUT I did stoop to a low level. I'll take the higher ground next time.

Jen

[cw68]

The high road always makes you feel better in the long run. To me it seems that your H overreacted. Let him deal with his anger and you deal with yours. Keep your chin up and be like a duck!

[JenInVen]

I think this today stems from our fight yesterday. Well, tomorrow is another day. Now I know what's not good let me see if I can do more of what is.

Quack quack

Jen.

[addie]

Hi Jen,
Unfortunately some of our natural tendencies to want to discuss R, ask H to return, telling him things will be different, etc these things do not work. They have the opposite effect of what we'd like to happen. I know it's so difficult to do but do not bring up R talk. When you know you'll be seeing H, prepare yourself mentally beforehand by repeating to yourself that you'll not talk about R, you'll be friendly, act as if. Think of some other things that you may want to talk to H about - daughter, current events, new things you've done, chit chat about your day, etc. We all have backslides but you can get right back on track.

[JenInVen]

Ok I guess I'll drop the rope. I'm hurting right now and have been for quite some time. I've felt like the victim in all this but in reality H has been wonderful and very tolerant of my moods. I'm angry, sad and resntful but I'm the one who has put these moods in my life and I'm the one who has to get them out.

I'm not helping my sitch at all. Like I said last night today is a new day. Now I have to see each day as another step in a positive direction. I'm done seeing the world in a negative light. H is a good person and I love him very much and I know he feels a great deal for me too.

Jen