Remember, in my sitch, OW broke it off in Sept, and H frantically stalked her for about a month until she gave in again. Not saying your OW will 'cave' (I know they are still 'together', but she is seeming to waver), but I know its hard/painful to watch your H mourn/grasp onto someone else.
lwb- I just realized the other night that I've known my best friend now for about 25 years now. We'd lost touch along the way once or twice with my moves around the country but we're back in touch now. We are a lot a like in many ways. She's the one that helps me remember that it's fun to laugh! She won't be making it this weekend though. She's had a lot of health issues the past 7-8 months. Yeah, not good, BUT she called me today and said that they did some tests yesterday and ended up putting a stint in an artery around her heart. She said she feels SOOOO much better already. We're going to plan a weekend visit soon. I'm just glad she's doing better. It's been tough to see her not feeling well for so long.
I remember your H stalking OW for a while. It does seem like my H has done the same. The OW in my case is back with my H. Yes, she does seem to be wavering. To be honest though, it's not painful to see H chasing her any more. Yes, I do wish that he'd put that effort into our M, but I truly see it as sad. Kind of pathetic.....like he's desperate to hold on to anything new that will get him out of the life he's had. There are very, very brief moments when a picture will pop through my head of them together intimately. I have to remind myself that they're two sad, selfish people and that it's not about me.
Journaling....... A fun night with D4 last night. We went to the Mall of America to find a dress for my niece. We also had dinner there. D4 was an absolute angel the whole time. She couldn't quite understand why we couldn't go on the rides, but she did okay.
Talked to H for a little bit last night. Was a nice conversation. He went out after work to watch the MN Wild hockey game. Not sure what time he got home. He claims that he's going to see UFO in concert tonight. We actually had a laugh about something from my work. It was nice to have that kind of a talk with him even though he continues to have no regard for anyone else or anyone else's plans.
I told H last night that D4 and I would be going to the baseball game on Sunday. He was a bit surprised that I was going but thought it was a neat thing.
Not a lot else going on today. A bit overcast & rainy.
Hope anyone that felt the earthquake from So. Illinois is doing okay.
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Okay, so maybe I'm pushing it a bit, but it's a good day so far! I've had far to many sad Mondays over the past year that I think a good one is deserved!!
Journaling......... Friday - Picked D4 up from school and did some shopping. Found a ton of bargins. Since she's still little, I can still easily shop for next season. I got about $130 worth of clothes for about $26. Whew!
Anyway....H went to a concert on Friday night. I'd talked to him just before leaving work on Friday. He was in a good mood. He called us twice from the concert. The first time was okay. I talked to him for just a second & then handed the phone off to D4. The second time he called was at about 11:00 pm. He was drunk. He was babbling about how D4 & I should get some rest because he was heading to Chicago in the morning so he could see the same band with his brother on Sat. night in Chicago. He said if we wanted to go with we could. H got home late. He was drunk & came into the bedroom, expecting me to be willing to have sex. I told him no. He started in on me telling me that me denying him was why we were in the situation we're in now. He then told me that I'd probably never find anyone else. He told me that he should set me up with OW's H, as we're perfect for each other. And then, he mumbled something about....after all he's done for me. WTH??? I got up and slept on the couch.
Saturday........ H was still 1/2 in the bag & came out into the living room. He asked why I was sleeping on the couch. I told him it was because when he came home on Fri. night he laid into me and said some nasty things. I told him that I didn't want to listen to them so I left the room. Twice more he came out into the living room & tried to get me to come into the bedroom. I told him no. After D4 got up, I got off the couch & got ready for the day. H was also getting up. I'd told H on Friday that I was going to go get the oil changed & my wipers replaced on Sat. H came out and very humbly asked if I'd want to go to Wal-Mart to get it done & then he'd do all his grocery shopping there too. I told him that it didn't matter to me. He commented that it didn't seem as if I wanted him to go with me. I told him again....I don't care. I'm going to get my stuff done and if you want to go, I'm leaving in 10 minutes. H was very, very nice the rest of the day....to the point of wanting to make dinner for all of us, wanting us to sit at the table together, helping D4 and I with a puzzle....etc. You know, I don't have a problem with giving D4 some quality "family" time. In fact, part of me would like to still be able to give her that after H and I split. However, I don't like being blamed and degraded and then having H scrambling back for that "family" time.
Sunday..... H asked if D4 and I would like to go to breakfast. Again, I did it for D4. I think it's unfair for her not to have that. Our M problems are not her fault. We did a quick breakfast and then D4 and I were off to the baseball game. We had a great time. It was so fun. H was a little crabby when we got home, but we just did our own thing.....laundry, bath, a project for D4 for school....etc.
Busy day here at work. I need to get going.
Thanks & have a great day!
Sues
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Glad to hear you are having a great Monday, Sue! I have always thought your R would work out if your H would get help for his drinking problems!!! As always you are so strong and a great mom! I hope your H will hit bottom at some point and get help for his sake, if not for yours and D4s!!! Karen
It's wonderful that you have such a sunny attitude after H being such a clod this weekend. You've come so far - able to see that the root of so many problems is HIS drinking, and to detach yourself from the ridiculous spew that he aims at you. Good for you - have a beautiful day!
Thread #10 22 year M, MLC, Piecing since 1/07 Goal: Live with confidence & enthusiasm!
It's been awhile since I've commented on your thread, but I do keep up from time to time. I just wanted to stop in and say what a PHENOMENAL job you're doing at detaching, and being a great mom for your daughter!
As for your husband, as that old Steely Dan song said,
Oh you wouldn't know a diamond If you held it in your hand . . .
He follows the same pattern every time he drinks. He comes home, demands sex, gets angry and verbally abusive, passes out, and the next day doesn't remember a thing. But he knows he did wrong, so he is nice for a while to make up for the bad behavior -- whatever it was.
