Where do...I...go from here?

[tpaschal]

First and foremost - you and I are in teh same boat. The age of the OW. THE OW. Remember my bimbo officially moved in last week - she even asked h "do you ever think about getting married again....??" OK he isn't even DIVORCED YET BIMBO!! and lets think H is such an idiot he told me.

Cagz,

I've got you beat on the OW marriage question! My H's OW was writing him (while on her church mission trip to India) a month before he even moved out, asking, "Do you love me? Do you want to marry me? Do you feel you know me well enough yet to answer those questions? Only you know if you are bringing too much baggage in to a new relationship, so if you want to slow down I undertand, but if you try to back off completely, you'll have a fight on your hands!"

They are wh*res, aren't they?

What I wanted to say my friend is this. WE *yes that is you and me - need to get our focus off the BIMBO. That is what she is. Yes I agree she is a "oh so troubled soul..and bla bla bla...and I think we need to ask God to help us get to a place of forgiveness (As you can see I am not there). BUT the more we THINK about them the more waisted energy -- teh less we have for OURSELVES and who we are.

Of course you are RIGHT, and I KNOW it. So why can't I forget about her? Human nature? I really am on a rollercoaster when it comes to my thoughts and feelings about the OW.

Sometimes I'm able to just dismiss her from my mind completely, and other times thoughts about her just seem to eat at me. I know the bad times are the times I'm not surrendering it to God. I've got to do that, surrender, on a daily basis. Sometimes MORE than once a day. Guess that means I'm not completely surrendering it, hmm? But I keep working on it!

Someone just posted (I'm sorry, I can't remember who off the top of my head!) that we should look at the OW's as babysitters. I think it meant that we should let the OW's deal with our H's juvenile, immature, destructive, etc., etc., behaviors, and then if and when our H's are ever ready to grow up, they will want a strong, mature, real woman as their partner, not a messed up, immature, immoral babysitter. Sounds like a good plan.

Now to just figure out how to ignore H and OW in the meantime.......

we have to let them go to break.

In my h's suicide note that is kinda what he wrote---that I was the one person that tried to help him....well guess what it didn't work AND it wasnt my job. WE need to let them go.....all the way. FOR THEM and more importnatly for YOUR OWN SELF.

Excellent point. Right now he's still depending too much on me and his parents to hold it all together for the kids, and even to bail him out when needed. I think he does need to "break" before he can begin putting himself back together. But what will it take to "break" him? Obviously, even an attempted suicide didn't break your H. Guess that's another one of those points to surrender to God.

The kids-whats best for them? I would STRONGLY suggest asking the C to deal with the kids when it comes to time with their dad.

Trying to get the financial sitch sorted so that I can get them started again.

YOu have come so far in teh past month. Seriouslly. Letting go---it is a good thing. I don't know how it is happening with me..but I am. And learning how to stand EVEN if we are D...I dont get it either..but we can do it..many before us have and they have gone on to become outstanding, fantastic, wonderful strong and beautiful men and women!

Good night my new friend...you are doing amazing!

Thanks Cagz! It really does help to hear that from people who have been there/done that, or who are BEING there/DOING that! I think I've said it before, but I'll say it again. YOU are an inspiration to me!