The blame on me is mainly coming from my son, not so much H. H did get upset when I showed emotion when he mentioned that he was looking up divorce lawyers. He never said he blamed me for everything.
S17 knows I mean business now.
He told me today that H admitted to him how miserable H is but I have had no contact with H with the exception of letting him know something via voicemail regarding S17 and that is it.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
SF, It's easy for all of us to sit back and give advice on what you should or shouldn't do, but my only advice is to take care of you and your children. It's tough on a family when a parent runs away again. I am glad to see he's in contact w/the children, even if it's just short messages.
Your faith is strong and it will carry you through the days to come. I pray that things will settle down once again and everyone can find a way to survive this latest turn of events.
I'm thinking of you today.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
The girls and I are okay. Had a long talk with S17 and he does not like me at all these days. Said he does not trust me at all--I told his dad something about him which I felt was very important for him to know and possibly deal with which was part of S17's trust issue.
I told S17 what I would like to see him do and of course he rebels and blames me for all of the problems. Funny thing is that H and I never fought, were always very loving but I was supposed be a trooper and not show emotion when all of this started????
H told S that D16 sent him a nasty text--all she really did was say that she wants nothing to do with him until he changes his heart. I think he is seeking sympathy from S but I could be wrong.
S told me yesterday that his dad admitted how miserable he is but again, I cannot do a thing about that.
Right now I am just sick of people telling me I should file for divorce. They do not share my beliefs.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
how many more times can you and your children survive what hes doing?
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
with MLC they can leave many times and we are all aware of that.
remember yellowrose? her H left several times and now they have put their marriage back on track and it is better then ever.
also what many fail to realize is that (if you are a christian) the enemy is on the attack breaking or attempting to break families apart.
divorce is the easy way out. god is putting us thru this for a reason.
i do agree with holly with regard to being still instead of meddling.
h has some work left to do and it is not about OW at all, it is about him and his problems.
the consensus is that it is best for h to be away to work out his problems then to have him at home at this point in time.
Last edited by steelersfan; 04/21/0802:10 PM.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
YR s H did seek out C to help him self back......your H is self medicating in OW and alcohol with no desire to work on himself. In fact hes still blaming you. he just turned on you after hed been home those few weeks. made it all your fault. Just like my stitch...I dont know...I just think you should rally up your family and move on. Let him catch up when hes ready.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
S is blaming me, H blames me for some things but not all. What you must realize is that H cannot handle it all right now and he is medicating (alcohol)but this is not about OW. He is only there because financially, he has nowhere else to go.
He will get to a point when he will have to get help but I think his biggest fear is hearing that he has what his mother has: schizo, depression (we already knew that) and later on who knows, alzheimer's?????
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
He only did this after many attempts to return home. For a long time he continued to self medicate on his OW.
SF I for one am not encouraging you to get a D. I stand in awe of your resiliance and patience. I'm trying to follow in your footsteps but have the disadvantage that my H is on the point of filing for D and so I will have no choice but to follow the process. It takes far more courage to do what you are doing than simply walk away.
Take care.
P.S Patti I find it interesting that you tell SF to
Quote:
rally up your family and move on
and yet you are not doing the same thing yourself (despite you drawing some comparisons with your own sitch). That's not a criticism just an observation.
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
no not moving just get together....i think family christian C would help bind you for a common cause. you seem in such disaray your h's coming and goings and drinking isnt good for your children. your D is very angry and your s well he just may end up emulating his dad.
Allison, I know Im not, I really am at a quandry of how to deal with him now. i guess in a way i dont feel there is that much collateral damage (kids) to my situation. Just me while i figure out what to do. I thought I did everything right when he came home....i forgave him, i didnt pressure him...i tried to do all the things to make our M a better working one. it didnt work because hes still MLC. I hadnt figured that because he was so normal acting. but i will stop posting if you thinks its the pot calling the kettle black
Last edited by a new 2moro; 04/21/0803:13 PM.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
