Enjoying my life!!!

[kissak]

Thanks Lin....I have seen many people splitting up around me. Sickens me really. "I just dont love you anymore" is what they all hear.

Im trying to enjoy my life. I really am. But there are days, like yesterday that I miss my family. I chose to stay home yesterday....alone....bad idea. I just cant be alone like that for too long. It really brings me down. I thought I could handle it. Being by myself and relaxing....no, it just gave me time to think about things being different. I cried right much last night. Then on my way out to church I saw my H's truck at the OW's house. Made me sick to my stomach. I tried however not to blow up. I had no reason to. We arent together and he can do as he pleases, but it tore me up inside.

I broke down after I picked up the kids from him after church. I called him. Found out he left our kids with his roommate to go to the OW's house to "get something" so he said. She had gotten them somethings from a flea mall while she was visiting her sick mother.

Why cant she just go away?

I asked my H what he had been thinking the last couple of weeks. I was curious to if he and the OW were back together. I wanted to know something...anything...what was wrong with me yesterday??

He called this morning to talk to the kids. I was laying down. Didnt sleep well last night. When he asked to speak to me my D said she told him that I probably didnt want to talk because I wasnt feeling good. So he told her to tell me that he hoped I got to feeling better. They went off to school and about 10 minutes later my phone rung....it was my H. He wanted to make sure I was feeling ok. He wanted to know what was wrong. I just told him I didnt sleep good last night. We talked about the kids schedules for the next couple of days and i told him good bye.....at least he cared enough to call back and check on me.

I SO WANT THINGS TO CHANGE!

Patience, time and more patience and time....

I dont want to do this anymore. What do I do? I have the separation papers...do I have them looked over and sign them and give them back to him?? I dont know if I can. Dont know if I want to. He isnt really asking for them.

Just having a bad couple of days.....pmsing I think.