Drowning after 23 years!

[FaithfulH]

CBK,

I posted this on your other thread, too!

I let them know about my sitch as they are good friends with both of us.

CBK,
Dear Brother....I HAD to stop by and share a bit of HOPE with you. I found this board about 2 years ago when my W filed for Legal Separation and then "upgraded" to Divorce. After a roughly 9 month separation, we reconciled. I just got back from a week long vacation with my lovely W to the Outer Banks of NC. If I sound prideful....I'm NOT....God healed my marriage (after I got out of the way)! Oh, and he healed the crap in me too!

You can catch up with my sitch if you want by going to my signature block below and then work backwards. If you have time, I highly recommend it! There are so many parallels in our sitches....and I can feel your raw pain in your posts. Trust me....I felt it...and made all the "mistakes" you have made. I wanted to share a few thoughts in order of importance:

• THANK YOUR WIFE - Yes, you need to Thank your W for having the courage to confront your lukewarm (by your own admission) marriage. This is NOT God's plan for marriage. BTW, mine was exactly like yours....not bad...but definitely not good. This may not make sense to you now....but, WHEN your marriage is restored....not IF...but WHEN your marriage is restored, you will know what I am talking about. You are in for the ride of your life....but, the journey is worth it if you can hang on. The glorious marriage on the other side of this mess will be so AMAZING!
  
• PRAY - You DON'T have the strength to do this! But God does....and He will work MIGHTY miracles if only you ask
  
• DETACH - This is a great website: Detaching I didn't understand "detaching" until I read this. You will know you are detached when your W's every action does not concern you in the least. You MUST give her space. The quicker you learn how to do this...the quicker you will see positive results.
  
• GAL You need to focus on YOU! Set Goals for YOU....not your W....not your R...YOU! I remember reading somewhere...what would you do if you were getting ready for an Olympic event? A Marathon? Two-a-days? Eat Right? Rest? Lots of exercise? There is nothing less at stake here than the future health of your entire family!
  
• READ, LISTEN, WATCH - #1 on the list should be your Bible. I agree with Steve's recommendation about Schnarch's Passionate Marriage . Better yet, get the audio version which is awesome. I don't like Deida...seems too secular to me. I would recommend highly Ed Wheat's small book titled, "How You Can Save Your Marriage Alone". Other great books....anything by John Eldredge (Wild At Heart is great). Max Lucado....Facing Your Giants...excellent book. Excellent Audio Book by T.D. Jakes "Fight For The Family"
  
• DON'T TALK TO FRIENDS/FAMILY ABOUT YOUR TROUBLES Huge mistake! I guarantee you that no good will come from this. I learned this the hard way! Your W obviously wants you to keep things between here (re: Tiffany's story....her desire to keep OM private). What are you going to do when one of your friends says something and it comes back to your kids?

I am not on the boards often...but, I will try to stop in occasionally and check on you.

My Prayers are with you, CBK! You CAN get through this...with God's help!