I feel so fortunate to have found this forum. I have read everyone's responses over and over and have gotten a lot of good advice.
Aud31, you are right that I need to change the path and it will be hard. I always thought that love as a verb only happened when I was "in love". I am going to do the "action" and hope for the feelings to follow.
Quill71, I married H because he is a wonderful man and was everything I was looking for. You are right...what happened with the OM was what was missing with my H and me. I am exactly where your spouse is. I feel horrible about what I've done to my H and I've said more than once I wish I could just go back and change it ALL. I know I can't, and I will stay strong. Thank you.
Fooled Again, it is an addiction. I've tried to break up with this last OM many times before and always failed because I couldn't get through a day without the "drug". This time is different because my H now knows and I am repenting. It doesn't mean I don't still yearn for the "drug" but you are right, I have been given the ultimate gift and I plan on not screwing it up. I always said, if we can get through this we will be so amazing together.
Puppy Dog Tails, I told the one OM the day after I told my H about the affairs that it would be the last time we talked. We were "broken up" but still talked all the time. It was hard, harder for him than me at that point, but he won't contact me. The other OM and I had broken up many times the last few months before I told my H because I knew I wanted to end it. But, like I said before, I kept needing the "drug". I said goodbye to him the morning before I told my H and texted him later saying that it would be the last time I contacted him no matter what. He has texted me 2 times with sad notes and 2 times saying I betrayed him and fooled him, as well as called once (I did not answer it). I did not respond to the texts and have not contacted either OM since I told them I wouldn't. I will stay strong. NOw.....I do keep checking both myspaces and both messengers and my phone for messages. So, based upon what you said, in order for me to firewall my marriage I should delete all accounts and uninstall messengers. I should also get rid of my phone...it's a throw away phone. This sounds silly, but i've been waiting "just in case" because the last OM has anger problems and is on steroids and I worry about what he could do. I was going to wait a month to make sure he doesn't threaten to call family or something.
Mark F, you are right as I look at it, one of the OM was definitely what you described and it will help me get over it. It makes me mad that he took advantage of me. I do believe he knew what he was doing.
Sara, you are right about loving the wrong people. I have the most loving man here at home...what was I thinking...I will take your advice about being nice until retrouvaille and put forth the effort to act and hope that my feelings follow. It makes sense.
