Cagz is really moving ahead Wierd...

[cagzmom]

something ... soemthing i dont want to do but must do...and again it slapped me in the face TODAY.

First the "setting" too much talking to h--but to cold but cordial. Soon softball will be over and it will be much easier to be NC and possibly dark...

ANYWAY-- Saturday when H picked up D11 I set a boundary..I said I dont want to hear about the things you do to "take care of ow anymore..it is extrememly ballsy of you to tell me you are worried about her car etc." Then he said well I dont know if it is any consulation but I kicked her out -- (This was Saturday morning...) I said...I know you H she will be back -- whatever. He said "I don't want to go into it..."

Few hours later have to meet up at her game...she had forgotten her glove - needed to contact him so I did...then we talked for a little bit..he tells me that OW has a drinking problem. I say she is 23 --he says I know its not that its at home..she gets biligerant...etc etc. He says I am not living my life this way etc etc...She has to get a hotel and bla bla bla. AND THAT is where I need to stay...in the BLA BLA BLA..

Why? You dont take the woman you kicked out of your apartment out to dinner with your duaghter the same day you kicked her out would you? She wouldn't stay the night the same day you kicked her out would she?? WELL with this man the above would all be YES.

HE is a LIAR. Everything he says is mixed with truths -- which makes it hard to catch. Everythign. Some truth - mostly lies. AND I NEED IT TO BE DEAD to me. TOO MUCH PAIN!!! TOO MUCH.

My dad defined it like this today-- He said I won't allow myself to believe in the promises in teh Word for my future. I told him he is right -- because I had thought those were for the marriage and life that i had. AND that is where I am stuck -- at least for now.

The hurt of loosing what I had is real and raw again. I WANT to be one of those women who looks up and says..."I am better than this, I deserve better-----and he lost not me.....that is what I want. and that is HARD because that is FACING who H really really is...a liar.