I think she's back

[Starshyne]

I need some help right now. I am bawling my eyes out and have no control over myself. I can't live through this pain again. I wrote him a letter that said that if he had decided to have another woman, I will not have any contact with him any more. He hasn't been home since he left at 9am. I hurt so badly. I just feel like running away.

Sara

[CBK]

Starshyne,

I am new to the message board, but can sympathize with you. My W has been gone since about noon at her office... My stomach is inside out. I just keep telling myself the OP is scum, I have so much more to offer, and many other remarks to myself. I wish I had great words or advice, but this is so new to me and emotions get the best of us. Then, when s/he walks in, we are supposed to act like all is okay... I am sure your stomach is turning knots, but deep breaths and close your eyes and think all the good thoughts about YOU. Concentrate on YOU. That is what my posters kept telling me. It does work.

I will be thinking about you.

CBK

[JoieDeVivre]

Sara,
I'm so sorry he's causing you so much pain.

Do you have any family or friends that you can call, someone that can come over and be with you?

(((HUGS)))

Joie

[Starshyne]

Thanks CBK...I have been working on me. But right now I am working on crying it all out. The pain is just awful. I have already been through this with H and the OW. I am going to end my contact with him while we remain in the same house. If I can just distance myself from him maybe then I won't care that he doesn't come home.

I do have much more to offer than OW ever will. I keep saying to myself..."just because H says he doesn't love me doesn't make me an unloveable person." I am not believing it at the moment, but I keep saying it.

[JoieDeVivre]

I keep saying to myself..."just because H says he doesn't love me doesn't make me an unloveable person." I am not believing it at the moment, but I keep saying it.

KEEP SAYING IT! If there's one thing about the members of the DB forums, they're caring, passionate, loving people. That includes you. The A is not about you. IT'S HIS LOSS and he will realize it too late.

[karen43]

I do have much more to offer than OW ever will. I keep saying to myself..."just because H says he doesn't love me doesn't make me an unloveable person." I am not believing it at the moment, but I keep saying it.

That is so true! In my case, and in I think all the other threads on this board, the OWs and OMs seem to be dysfunctional people. But I think our spouses are also mixed-up & dysfunctional at the time they have affairs also. Our spouses having affairs is about them and their emotional problems or MLCs or whatever they are going through, and doesn't have anything to do with us! You need to believe that, b/c it is true!!!

Plus, even when they say they don't love us, I think that is often not true. I think my H does love me at least at some level, and is trying to distance himself from me and say things like that so he will feel less guilty for his behavior. And sometimes I think they are also mixed-up and may not even realize yet how much they do love us (until it may be too late)!

I agree with Joie maybe you should have someone come over with you or you should be with a friend or family now, too? I know how you feel I think, in that I would have a tough time going through that all over again and the insanity our spouses go through when they start up with OW. I am so sorry you are going through this! Please keep posting and let us know you are doing OK! Karen

[CBK]

Ditto to the other posters. Keep your spirits the best you can, watch a DVD, a comedy or something that is uplifting. As you know, the emotional roller coaster is not a ride any of us want to be on.

Karen is right on, about when they say they don't love us. They are very confused. I am reading "I love you but... i'm not IN LVOE with you by Marshall. Only on the second chapter and it has been enlightening.

Remember, your husban loses out, not you.

Take care.

[MichelleLT]

(((Sara))) I wish I lived close enough to give you a real hug!

[water2moon]

Oh Sara I am SO so sorry..I wish I could make all of the pain go away I know what it feels like and there is nothing like being lied to again and again and not being able to prove it and having them make you feel as though we're the crazy ones..I know that throwing my H out was the thing that woke him up..I just hope he doesn't falter..but you need to get tough now..enough being nice..apparantly that makes him feel it's ok to be a cake eater.Get a Lawyer and scare the S@#T out of him now..Show him that you are now going to take control..You remind me so much of myself and I how I couldn't stop crying, wondering where he was..it's now way to live and it's so unfair and just not right..Please stay strong{{{hugs}}}

[Abbey]

Sara... HUGS... I understand the lying aspect of this for you... and how it can have you constantly off balance. Might be time for you to get him out for your own well being. He's out of control and won't be able to start his own process of healing until he's forced to look painfully into the mirror and his empty wallet.

OWs will not put up with the same amount of crap you have... gain back some control now so that you can begin to negotiate with him to actually work on the marriage.

In the oddest way possible, even though H and I are separating this week... we've managed to negotiate a some good steps forward about "working on things".

And get the doc to up the SSRIs - I was where you were 2 weeks ago... you can't stay in that state of emotional distress, it'll wreck your health.

Abbey