Totally Lost after 23 years

[CBK]

Just venting a bit right now. After a horrible backsliding morning, I went out and ran some errands and caught up with some friends. I let them know about my sitc as they are good friends with both of us. They were shocked (as most people are) - of course I didn't give them details, but the first thing his wife said "does she have somebody else" - of course I said I wasn't sure - that was our agreement - and said that this we have had issues for a few years. When they asked about how we were working this out, they said my W isn't thinking this out, she has outside influence, talked about commitments, etc. I was like YEA! I felt a little guilty when I left though as I probably said too much. Our wives are friends and she is going to call my W in a couple of days. Will see what happens. I asked that they respect all of our friendships and that stuff happens and I am hopeful we can work this out. The asked if W wanted to, what should I have said? I said she is working on herself to become happy with who she is.

Right now, I am at home reading as W had to go into her office to get some work done - all this counseling cuts into her time. She has been there for quite a long time, and of course, I am going nuts. But I am getting mentally prepared when I do hear the garage door open, to greet her with a smile, ask if she got all the work done she needed and if she is hungry. No more, no less. Just need to keep the anxiety to a minumum!

I learned a great deal this AM, I am not ready to be having any R talks, it will take a long time before those come. As steve asked, I say it will be a long time, but have I accepted it - I am getting there! I am building my support network on this site and some old friends as well. I need to have a cadre of folks I can call or write to so I can settle down, breathe and GAL! GAL is tough because of my age and the town I live in, but have gotten some wonderful ideas. I am not looking for love, I have that, just need to re-feed it!

Now I have written posts like this before... I know I can keep this one (at least I hope :-))