It's ok, lmg, I appreciate your comments. No two sitch's are exactly the same.
The conventional wisdom states that "it takes two to tango", but I know that is not always the case.
I also do not think that it is LBS's fault if the WAS keeps their "dissatisfaction" with the marriage a big secret. To me, that is hostile, passive aggressive, and nothing more than a lame excuse for their bad behavior.
I really wish I could read minds; sure would make my life a lot easier. When I look back on my marriage, I was an open book. H never had to guess what I was thinking, feeling, whether or not I loved him, etc. H did not afford me the same luxury and I'm sure he felt oh-so-powerful.
Well, I have some power now and I am damned well going to use it against him. H needs to feel a bit of pain and inconvenience too. I wouldn't be doing him any favors by not teaching him this very valuable lesson.
Oh, and OW will have her eyes opened a bit too. Heh....
.......and....Ta-Da!!! As of yesterday, H has cut off my spousal support.
Looks like he received papers from my lawyer. Don't these dumb-sh!ts know that these actions look very petty and childish? I called my L and he said he would speak to H's L. We have a hearing in two weeks to get a court order for the support anyway.
I realize that what's happening to me is very common, and not nearly as bad as many have suffered. But it's still pretty annoying.
However, I am counting my blessings right now. At least I have my utilities and cable on and some food to eat while I watch my Netflix. And I do have the option of living on my credit cards for at least another month, plus, I have a very loving aunt who sends me a few $$ each month.
But, oh jeez.....please....."what goes around comes around"....right? I mean, H will get his one day, right? Why can't it be today?
Well none of this will serve him well when you go to court. Karen from Cali went through the same thing with her ex. He didn't get away with it but I forget exactly how it played out. I'll send her over to read your thread. Maybe she'll have some light to shed on this.
Oh and you're so right. We can't fix what we don't know, but it always hits me as so funny how these dissatisfactions become a bigger problem for them once they want out. So either they played the martyr all through the marriage or now they just needed as reason. Heck, if yours is anything like mine, some of the reasons that he stated I couldn't even answer to because most of the things he brought up I couldn't even remember. Now after 5 years he's rewritten history once again. Some of the things that I've quoted that he said and was so adamant about, he now says he never said. Go figure!
Sorry you are here. I am from a no-fault state so I know partially where you are coming from.
Believe me when I say you will get over this, grow and be in a much better place...eventually.
I thought this sounded empowered, active, and healthy:
Quote:
I requested a brand new last name in my petition, something that I just picked out of the air because I liked the sound of it. That way, I don't have H's last name as an albatross around my neck. It's my way of really starting fresh.
SG
Survival Goddess "The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don't have any." -Alice Walker
I feel like I can move mountains one minute, and the next, I'm feeling helpless. I know I'm not, it just feels that way.
This whole weekend has just been "one of those days". Yesterday, I get a call from a mutual friend, just out of the blue, and I give her the whole story on what happened. She is shocked at H's behavior, but she still likes us both, which is fine. I have way more friends than H does anyway. Heh...
And then, last night at about 11:30pm, the phone rings and H's name shows up on the ID, but I don't recognize the #. Then it dawns on me that it's probably a friend of H's who has the exact same name as H, H has a very common name, and he simply dialed our home phone by mistake instead of H's cell.
I didn't pick up because I don't really want to talk to either of them, but......sigh.......I hate random sh!t like this. It just seems to throw me off my stride.
Thanks for visiting me, KL! I had been visiting you but not for awhile. Sorry things are in such a crappy rut. Your H is being unbelievably immature and petty. And he will get his some day. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of his life....(That is from some movie but I forget what one)!
