Well, I thought I'd move on over to Surviving, as that's what I'm doing now. I have been separated now for six months and there are no signs of any reconciliation. I don't put emotional energy into thinking about that cuz I'm too busy trying to build a new life. I have consciously moved away from W and "family" time, which means me, W and kids, although it is very difficult to do. Yesterday the girls told me they were going to a park with mom to feed the chipmunks (D14 was not impressed "Dad, don't you think I'm a little old to be feeding the chipmunks?). My first thought was to phone W and ask if I could join them, it would be a fun outing together but then I decided not to. W needs to know what it feels like NOT to have me around. The summer is a time we used to do a great deal together, it was truly family time. This summer it won't be happening and it breaks my heart but everything is NOT the same now! She needs to go through the realization that Whatis is gone. She made her bed now she needs to lie in it and really feel what it is like. Our family was torn apart because SHE chose to shut me out of her life and start up with someone else. I stayed for five years trying over and over to no avail. This summer will be tough. I'm keeping busy and opening up spiritually. Weekly I attend a bible study, a prayer group, an aerobics class, and church sometimes twice on Sundays. I am making new friends and opening up a bit more. I've discovered the joys of small talk with strangers. I've always been personable but only in the "proper" circumstances whereas now I talk to everybody. When you're in survival mode it is so nice to feel that someone out there is actually happy to see you! The girl at the post office just lights up now when she sees me in the line up, greets me with a bright smile and says "see you again soon" when I leave. She doesn't do that with other customers. Why? Because I take the time to ask how she is, notice when she's sick and give her a big smile too. It's nice to think that maybe that little interaction brought a bit of joy to her day too. I notice this happens frequently now when people I've chatted with see me, big bright smiles. That's what surviving is all about, making healthy connections be they big or small. It's helping me to get through this. I'm trying to step outside my comfort zone and grow a little.
wii))))))))) well, I'm the lucky (?) one to welcome you here, though I wish I'd be welcome you in piecing, but here we are, in another stage of our lives and still giving 100% and more, growing each day. I see what you say, about interacting wiht people, I was always a shy person, but truly, it is when you give that you feel richer internally. I have volunteered to be a "pal" to a person with brain injury, I can' wait, these are people who perhaps have lost their friends, their old life, and need a friend. Even at the training session I felt how blessed I am and how others have it so much worse than me, and what a difference I can make just by being there.
We begin here in SD with a drink, I'm not really a drinker but I can sure appreciate a glass of sweet sweet red wine
You are right, family time, though nice, is part of what it used to be, and W will now reap what she sow.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Heyya whatisis... welcome, I guess. It's definitely a different world here than where you've been. I'm glad to hear you're taking care of yourself and doing things for yourself.
Hey Cat and inspiredjulie! Thanks for that warm welcome to the neighbourhood, did either of you bake me a cake or anything? Is there a rule book I should read? When do I take out my garbage? Do we recycle in Surviving? Oh, so much to learn. Well, it's off to pickup youngest D from her class and then me and the two girls are eating out and going to an evening church service (yes, their dream evening has come true ;)) Thanks again for dropping by, let me know when neighbourhood BBQ's start, I'll try and fit them into my busy bachelor life schedule between bouts of activity and crying
Thanks guys! I really do appreciate all those that have dropped by. I know it's not a place that any of us ever wanted to be but what is is. One of the most difficult things I find these days is those periodic times when I suddenly feel very anxious, weak and vulnerable. I might be having a really great week and then suddenly some little thing will set me off in an obsessive rampage. I have to keep in mind that I have been virtually living in a combat zone for the past five to seven years. Every day was a struggle to just keep going and make the best of a terrible situation and this is the fallout. My shrink said ages ago "Whatis you are living in a pressure cooker and most of the time don't realize it because you handle it so well" I have to remember to be kind to myself, allow some weakness and remember "this too shall pass". I remember a friend of mine (well, she was a friend at the time) said to me "Whatis, just remember that no matter how bad it gets, it will always get better" Wise words that have been echoed here in Surviving! Can we grill some fish? Salmon maybe.
