I think part of the approach that helps keep a straying spouse from romanticising is to work at fully understanding what these other men are doing - they aren't images of romance - they are sexual predators threatening the stability of your home.
1. Many offer marital advice at first but a) are uneducated on the subject and b) aren't fully informed on the conflict as they only have your side of the story 2. They all offer to "help" in secret counsel with only one of the spouses. 3. They take a side, they take your side and become your cheerleader rather than an objective counsel. 4. They begin to flirt or participate in flirting and eventually get romancitally/sexually involved.
if you look at this list above, these are the things that would cost a professional counsellor their license. Should we hold non-professionals to any lesser standard/
1. You were confused. 2. You were hurt. 3. You were vulnerable.
Rather than these men "helping" they exploited the situation for their own benefit.
Look at them THJS way rather than as knight's in shining armor. This behavior is the same or similar to what child molesters do...hardly romantic now is it?
These guys are sneaking into your life, your home, and lying to your spouse, threatening his home, his life, and his son's life.
They do'nt have good intentions for your home, they just play around and do a LOT of damage and leave YOU and YOUR HUSBAND to clean it up. Is HE paying for your therapy?
Serious whatdidido, think about these men and the character of them in THIS light...you made mistakes, but you were vulnerable, these men exploited your vulnerability and used that for their own sexual gratification. They are not knights in shining armor, they are sexual predators in disguise.
Learn to acknowledge THIER part in this, it will help you protect yourself later, and free yourself to love your spouse the way they deserve. Spouses that take partner's back after betrayals like this are the knights in shining armor, not those users who messed up your life and leave you to clean it up.
