How do they walk away?

[Treese]

TOH;
I too have felt like I've been kicked out of my own life...like I've been removed from my body and placed in someone else's life...it is very strange....

Journaling:

I continue to try to go dark but I have to deal with H so much because of son and baseball games...he plays for 2 teams, one of which my H coaches...

Last weekend I saw H 4 days in a row...he came to see the kids and I think he was coming over because he was feeling the effects of D15 not talking to him for the past 2 weeks, but the he didn't call at all....which usually means he's at OW house and won't call the kids...and they notice...H doesn't think so but he's not here with them...

Anyway, Thursday 2 of my friends wanted to take me out for a drink, and I had to watch Sons bball game and then pick up D from volleyball before I could go....H took son and I drove over...I looked all cute and everything....only stayed for 40 minutes, had to pick up D and left....picked up D and she had a migrane, an eye infection....grrrrrrrrrrr........so, took her home, told her to take a nice bath and go to bed...went out with friends...and picked up precription for D at 11 pm...of course friends want me completely away from H....these girls have been my friends for more than 35 years....I don't know what to do or think....

Anyway....didn't talk to H for 2 days at all and then he always emails me the morning after he spends the night at OW...it's weird...kind of like he feels guilty for staying with her....

I asked him if he knew I was at bball game and he said he didn't see me get there or leave...only once saw me talking to friends..really? he didn't even notice??? tells me a lot??? Oh well, I looked cute anyway...he probably noticed....and he knew I was going out...

Yesterday he had to do bball and I had to do volleyball....I got home at 6 and he and son at 7...played cards with son and then at 10 pm I asked him to make sure son got to bed and dog in cause I didn't feel well and wanted to go to bed...well, truth is I didn't want to watch him walk out that door again...it breaks my heart every time....and I just want to hug him...soooooo badddddd........

he left 15 minutes later...

Anyway, that's my last week, not exciting but just trying to live...got a wonderful email from my boss, he had some good things to say about me and some good advice...love him...Is he getting over me and us?? Gosh, he just looks happy and content in his new life...

Anyway take care all....