Nothing happened. Just tired of the sleeve-tugging. I think W really wants my friendship, but doesn't seem to grasp that you can't just go from being in a 12 year relationship to being friends. She wants to talk, asks me to proof proposals, sends me emails re: things she thinks I'd be interested in, then she retreats and acts cold to me and pushes for D.
I agree that detaching does not equal giving up, but I'm seriously reconsidering my interest in trying to be patient in order to save this M. She is only focusing on herself, she had an affair, she isn't willing to address her own issues, she has no remorse, and she thinks I'm not her equal because I don't do the same thing as her. And rather than talk about any of this, she ran from it, literally. I recognize I brought problems to the M, but I'm trying to address them. How can I make things work with a W who runs? I'm not going to blame myself for her problems.
Anyway, party tonight that we were both at. Things were fine, but she acted out-of-sync several times. I think me being there and enjoying myself with new friends threw her off balance. Whereas I've been feeling like there's another melt-down in the future, due to the fact that she's not addressing issues and we still are relaxed and share a friendship, now I'm not so sure. She really acts like she made up her mind and that's the end of the story.
So once more I recognize that letting go is a good thing. And giving up might be a good thing as well. Even if we were to reconcile, she'll never put energy into the R the way most people do - she's selfish. Why should I waste myself on that? Hate to be cynical, but that's the space I'm in right now.
Going on a way early morning hike tomorrow to greet the sun.
