I'm Finally Ready to "Drop the Rope"

[fooled again]

FA,

Just checking on you. Seems you're in the same place I'm at, detached and holding. I think H 's dam bursting is a good thing. He has looked at what he has done and the damage he has caused. Reread The six Stages of a Mid Life Crises by hearts blessing, sounds like H might be moving into acceptance. Accept and validate his actions and words. Reassure him he is ok.

Mike

Mike,

Yes I am detached and holding, or more accurately detached and moving along with my own life. I took your advice and started rereading the Six Stages, but then I realized that I'm so tempted to focus on the timeline, and that isn't helping me, so I put it down. I don't know if he's in acceptance yet, but reassuring him that he is ok would be to try to control him, to try to convince him that he is at a place that he may not be yet, wouldn't it? I don't really believe he is ok, nor does he, at least not right now. I will, however, reassure him that I love him and that will never change. And if he asks or talks about it, I will tell him that the door is not closed, but he needs to know that he is ready to do the work before he walks through it. And that means knowing what he wants.

I think H's dam bursting is only the beginning of him seeing some light, but I also think he's a long way from coming out (I could be wrong). There is still a great deal of anger in what he is saying, accusations and defensiveness mixed in with doubt and regret. It's quite a stew of emotions, but it still has quite a bitter taste. I think it needs to simmer longer as the meat is still too tough. (Ugh, sometime my metaphors are ridiculous!)

Thanks for checking in on me. It's like having a big brother (I only have a younger brother who I pretty much don't know).

FA