Puppy is right, don't use your W as your support. You need to look to yourself for that. (And it probably looks weak to her.) But it sounds like you're still in the 'trauma' stage. And boy does that hurt -- like a knife in the heart. It probably seems like the agony is never going to end. But it does get better. What helps is to detach and GAL. You probably have no idea how to do that when you can barely put one foot in front of the other, but start with small goals for yourself. It may be the last thing you feel like doing right now, but afterwards, I can guarantee you that you'll feel a bit better.
You didn't go into a lot of detail about what led to the problems, not saying you need to, but if you want to R, then it's critical. If you want to R, you need to address the issues that led you to this sitch.
You said 'nothing seems to work' but if she is still involved in an EA with OM, nothing is. She has to get out of that, and out of her fog.
My final 2� ... If you've scheduled a session with a DB coach. I would not do anything, say anything (to W or kids, etc) or make any decisions until you talk to your coach. I never did that, but those that do, seem to speak highly of them. This all takes so much time. Patience is critical.
