Ok so I finally got internet connection (had to change credit cards)...
I have been getting mixed signals and messages from H. He tells me that "we will always be family" "d and I are the most important parts of his life", he tells me that he wants to spend time with us but in the next sentence tells me that its not healthy. Tells me that if his Dr was here to tell me what he has told his Dr then I wouldn't feel as sad but he can't tell me because he doesn't want me to get my hopes up. Tells me that of all the woman he knows I am the only one he wants to ML to, he needs to talk to me because I am the only one he feels comfortable talking with and crying with, he will be all alone when D and I visit family in June but implies that he has so many friends when he talks about his weekends but then says his life is so unbelievably boring and on and on it goes. is this MLC or just a DAM?
I guess I should and do feel good about what he has told me. But you all know how easy it is to focus on the negatives of the conversations. Of all the positives in my sitch I still feel that he'll never come home again.
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Just checking in on you... hope you're doing well! I'm not getting on here as much as I once was... but you're on even less then me.. Still having computer problems huh? Miss you around here!
H sounds confused but the overall trend seems positive to me. Remember to believe none of what they do and only the positives of what they say. It's hard, I know, but you are doing so brilliantly. Patience, girl! It's coming.....
L.xx
Walk on, walk on, with hope in your heart. And you'll never walk alone.
Tells me that of all the woman he knows I am the only one he wants to ML to, he needs to talk to me because I am the only one he feels comfortable talking with and crying with, he will be all alone when D and I visit family in June but implies that he has so many friends when he talks about his weekends but then says his life is so unbelievably boring and on and on it goes. Jen
Jen, he said ALL THAT?! I see loads of positives here! Of course, he is confused, all WAS are. You still think he might be in MLC? Check out the thread "Are you in denial?" on MLC forum, all the signs and symptoms are there...
It's good to have you back, BTW
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
Like every one else has mentioned, H is very confused. It's typical of all WAS. There are so many positives in what he said to you. Let go of the negatives and focus only on the positives. Give him his space - remember don't call or email him unless it's really important, no R talks, no nagging. Be pleasant around him, act as if. You're doing great!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I would be wondering what he is telling his Dr. Sounds like he is doing some soul searching, and you are not out of the loop. He is definitely still thinking about you. That is a good thing IMO.
Just when I see some positives I have to mess up again. I can't seem to keep my trap closed. Today H brought D and I to the club and in the 15 minutes it took us to get there I started a fight. It all stems from H wanting to move on and change some things in his life while I try and convince him that we can go through changes together and that he doesn't have to D me to change...etc. He told me that even if he did give us another chance we would still fight too much and coming home wouldn't make him happy right now. He's throwing the clear messages of what needs to be changed at me and I'm missing them. I really need to put in more of an effort. Needless to say we fought in the car and when we got to the club he practically booted me out!
I think I'll ask for a 2X4!!! Let me have it.
Tomorrow he's taking D out again but this time I won't suggest anything about going like I did last week. After all Sunday is the only day H and D get to spend alone.
Jen
Last edited by JenInVen; 04/20/0802:04 AM.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Ouch....don't you hate when you backslide like that? I know I do it all the time. I have learned recently that H actually appreciates it more when I let him spend time alone with the kids. I have had a hard time with that, but it really has eased things a bit. I know it is hard to keep your mouth shut when inside you are screaming, but you are just gonna have to keep your cool around him. Starting a fight with him is just proving him right. You can do this. Just keep doing the things you know are right, and stop doing the things you know don't work.
I'm kind of barging in here - but I have followed your posts from time to time and thought I'd comment tonight. I'm sorry that you had a fight, but don't beat yourself up too much. Conflict in a marriage is normal - the issue shouldn't be whether or not "fights" will happen, but how you will handle conflict when it occurs. If it's appropriate, make a brief apology to your H tomorrow, but definitely keep it short and humble. Then, back off while he connects with D. I can understand why you would feel threatened by whatever changes he is planning to make - for me, one of the biggest challenges in this whole DB business is to let go when what you want is so different from what is happening in reality.
me: 47 H: 48 he has 2 grown sons M 1995(my 1st, his 3rd) hit iceberg 6/07 S 9/26/07 before now
