Drowning after 23 years!

[CBK]

I have always been the "nice guy" and would not want to hurt anybody. The one statement my W makes is that the marriage was in trouble before the A - but I keep telling her that the A is what is keeping us apart. I am do feel some guilt over my own EA - but I don't think that is the reason. I think the fear is that she will never forgive me if she found out I did it.

One of the issues she has with me is that I would give the shirt off my back if somebody needed me. I just forgot who needed me at home... I was also taught to protect that family, put up the front, no matter what happens, protect the family. So pretty deep rooted in my pshchy I guess.

I do go back in forth, that is for da$n sure. I wish I knew why the protection. I am also ashamed by the affair. Maybe it is because it makes me look bad as well? I will have to keep wrestling with this one. The chicken way to do it is try and find another way for it surface.

And finally, I gave her my word I would not tell another soul - and, even though she cannot keep hers through our marriage vows, I will keep mine.

Wow, had to look inside for that... still not 100% sure though. My therapist friend thinks it is the right tactic, I will see him next weekend and will ask him again.

Great post Puppy. Really making me think...