This is my first time posting. I have been reading various posts for the past few days. I'm hoping someone will hear my story and maybe have some advice or support.

My story is long, but I will try to condense it. 7 years ago, went through marriage counseling- learned how to fight nice with spouse. Through whole marriage thought something had been missing...spark, something....felt like marriage is good on paper, but some feeling seemed to be lacking. Anyway, things seemed good, had son. 2 years later, met a guy online. Met him just for fun... turned into flirting...then, dating...then, feelings for him...then, sex. Felt as I had never felt before. Told husband to move out. He was out for 3 years in all until a week ago. On and off with this "other guy" for a couple years, felt as if we were soulmates (ten year age difference, him younger). He wanted a commitment, I woudln't leave husband. So, we stopped it, yet continuted talking. A year ago, I met another guy. Wanted to get thoughts of first guy away, and wanted my emotional and physical needs met. Ended up falling in love although he was "trouble"... still stayed married to spouse. During these 3 years spouse came to our home every day to spend time with son until he went to bed. Son never knew he lived somewhere else. Spouse never thought I'd be the type to "cheat" on him, yet did nothing for 3 years to win me back. Anyway, I confessed to him, and he is now living back in the home and we are going to do what it takes to keep together.

Here is where I need some support: Does anyone feel like maybe they never loved the guy they are with the way they should have? Even though I know this last guy I was with was not a good "long term" guy I still fell for him and think about him all day. How long does it take to get rid of that? I want to call or talk to him all day long.

I'll stop at that. I'm sure you will ask questions if it doesn't make sense.

I sure hope someone has something to say....I'm really confused and full of pain... I want to stay and not break the family, but I am worried that I don't love him like I should. And, I can't stop thinking about the other guys and how much better I felt.