Totally Lost after 23 years

[CBK]

Steve,

I am not sure how you pull those quotes out of an email - but I will try and make some sense here.

I am hopeful the OM will slip up. Right now they think they are in love. I am so tempted to expose the affair, but Stella and Addie would kill me. Also, if exposed, then I could drive them into each others arms and then have W hate me the rest of my life. I will fight a different way - would love to kick the snot out of the guy though...

Patience is a virtue, one that I do not have. As you said in your earlier post, I keep saying it is a long road, but do I really accept that... great question and I need to keep telling myself it is not days or weeks, it is months.

How they got together, he listened to her, made her feel special again. She has re-written our marriage so there were no happy times - BS, but I cannot change her feelings, that is up for her to do. I am trying to be more in tuned to what she is saying - very hard as she isn't saying much! :-)

And I do love the band-aid anology - I need to keep reminding myself of that one!

Interesting how you said the "spark" is gone - same exact words W used in counseling. Time to light that spark back - will take a lot of work, but I am ready once I figure out my steps! I will nibble away at the friendship, not pressure her, etc. I love the flower idea. We used to go to a local street fair on saturdays and bring flowers home for the house. Will put that on my list. If she asks me why, I will say to brighten up the house!

I have offices in DC and NY, do mostly educational lobby work - so at work, am the alpha male, I am at home as well, she always wanted me to make the decisions, that is why she said she is lost, she never was able to define herself. She picked a fine way to do it now... grrrrr.

I actually do a pretty good job about 12 hours out of the day forgetting about him. When I do remember him, I start calling him names and saying what does he have that I don't? I dream about knocking his head off... sound familiar?

Kids are tough, you are in a tougher sitc than I am. But, kids are kids and I don't want them to hurt at all. W says they are resiliant and will make it through. I literally have nightmares about my kids and telling them, wake up in cold sweat. Even as I type this about my kids, I tear up.

The sad part is I always flirted with OW in my profession - but I was always the "safe" one - like the big brother. I would always talk about W when I was out and they all knew I was totally devoted to her. Time to dust some of that old charm off - just have to remember where I hid it.

Yea, 32 lbs and counting down. I am 6'3" and was/is an athlete, but major surgery has left me with a bum leg, but I am going to the gym, doing yoga, went to hit a bucket of balls at the golf range, etc. My plan is to take a hike once a month (W's favorite activity and mine) and volunteer one weekend a month as well - we instilled that in our kids, but not us.

I am a huge James Bond fan, love the analogy!

Tonight will be a rough nite as we are going to a couples dinner with 6 other couples. They all know we are strained, but not the total extent. I quit drinking a month ago (and quit eating as well!) so my mouth shouldn't run to much.

Thanks again Steve - so greatly appreciated.