I hope that everyone understands that marriage counseling DOES NOT WORK if one person is abusive (verbally, emotinally or physically). It is even harmful if the abuser doesn't even think they have a problem. And even doubly harmful if the counselor/therapist is not trained in abuse.
This link pretty much summarizes the marriage counseling counseling scoop from every abuse book. I hope this clears it up.
EDITED - Advertising not allowed.
She needs to read the books to VALIDATE for herself if is it abuse or not. She may say it is on these boards, but I feel she's not accepting it 100%, because if she knew exactly what abuse entails (they don't change, they use manipulation, guilt, empty promises to reel you back) then she can hopefully get a clearer picture and figure what do to next. If you don't know about these things, you are perpetually stuck on the fence because of all the mixed messages.
Once she understands abuse better, she will have more clarity. I am not trying to pursuade her into anything, I want her to educate herself on what it is and what it does and how to protect herself (with the books). There's simply too much for me to post about it. There is in fact very, very little she can do to get him to change. One of them is separate and that's doing diddly squat. Not even DB tactics.
Ping1, I'm glad to see you've recognize what you've done and want to change even if it means you may not get her back. My H knew he was abusing me all along but tried to convince himself he wasn't and that it was all my fault. He only showed me (with his words and actions) that he didn't care enough about me or the marriage to put forth effort UNTIL I was already done and I asked him to leave.
