I'm really sorry you're here. I know exactly what you're going thru, and it really sukks. Life's given you a sh_t sandwich, and you're going to have to deal with it, and push thru the storm.
An EA is still an affair, and in my opinion, you need to expose it while working on yourself at the same time. You're waffling between needy/grabby/pursuing behavior, and just totally giving your wife space, and neither one is going to work.
You're not a patient person? Then get to work and DO SOMETHING about this. Make a plan, and work the plan.
There's not much more that I can that Hope4Us didn't already say. Your wife WILL be livid, but you need to fight for your marriage and your family. In fact, at some level, she probably is even WAITING for you to do that.
