I've almost given up. I hate this so much! I feel like I am lost without H. I am having to go ahead and move on with my life financially, but emotionally I am just not there yet. I have bought some land, and I am about to build a new house. H still has not contacted a lawyer to file, but he still says the same thing..."Right now I am doing what I think is best." I suck at going dark. It kills me not to see him. He called this morning, and we spoke briefly. I told him that I was really afraid that if he did change his mind about the D that I might never know it, because he would be too proud to say anything about it. He said that if his feelings change I would be the first one to know. He wouldn't hesitate. He doesn't care what other people think. He would come back in a second, but he just doesn't think that is the right thing for now. Perhaps I should spend more time on here again. I just don't feel like I am doing the right things to win him back. He seems so distant from me. My sister called him this morning and told him a few things. Basically she said, "I hope you know what you are doing because my sister is destroyed right now." He said that he did know what he was doing, and that he wasn't trying to hurt me. He just wants to do what he can to be happy himself. I know he feels bad about how much I am hurting, but it just doesn't seem like he cares. I am doing all the wrong things because my heart is broken. I can't seem to get my head to take control.
