Drowning after 23 years!

[CBK]

I have been posting on the Newcomers board for a about a week and been getting little response, hopefully will get some more on board.

Original string http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1417314&page=1#Post1417314

Short version:

- March 18, 2008 W says she wants to be seperated
- about 1 week later, I find out she in an A with OM for past 11 months
- she has been unhappy for years, the OM is not the cause of the S, but he showed her how special she is
- OM is married with kids
- I get the I care about you, but don't love you
- She still is emotionally involved with OM, thinks OM will leave his W and kids.
- W thinks if she leaves me and if OM leaves wife, that would be her dream.
- even if OM doesn't leave, she is done with me
- I have not told anybody about the A - we agreed that we would not, regretting this a bit now
- She was going to move out, but kids come home from college next week, so she wants to stay for them and also, she wants to stay in the house during the S!
- I have snooped too much and having a hard time stopping, very insecure right now.
- I have found 3 letters addressed to me and the both kids. My guess they are dear john letters. I have left them unopened (I actually found them about 7 months ago and W forgot I knew)in the same spot.
- I have been going totally insane like everybody else when they find this out.
- Have lost 30+ lbs in a month, sleep very little but trying to GAL and do some 180's
- Doesn't seem like anything works
- If you can't tell, I don't have much patience!

So, that is the very short version of what has been happening with me. I am very much in love with W where she isn't even looking for connections right now. Hard to take after being together for so long. I am pretty sure I have pushed a little too hard and she is getting advice from somebody to get L - probably the OM, so she can keep the house. Hope she doesn't go down this road... Another issue for me is that since I do travel a lot, she has her name (only her name) to work on funds with our financial planner - although she says she would never screw me money, I am wondering...

I don't have a large support network where I live as all of my friends are "our" friends and don't want to pit them against either one of us.

Kids know W is in guest room, that is about it.

Advice?