I think all you are feeling is absolutely normal. One spends so long trying to repair the M and not lose it, that when you get that wish, you then start looking forwards again and realise what another big 'job' you have ahead of you. Also that initial panic has started to subside slightly, the balance of power in the R is shifting again, and you start to be in a situation when the resentment and hurt can come to the forefront of your mind.
I know that on many an occasion I have considerd being a WAW; partly because of being overwhelmed by all the hurt, partly because I want my H to KNOW what it feels like to be on the receiving end, and partly because the size of the task of keeping it all together daunts me on a low day.
I grieve for the exclusivity we had in out R before the A. I hurt from the betrayal and the thought that my H shared secrets and innermost thoughts with this OW. I hate that my H has made me feel this mean and twisted inside and that his actions have turned me into someone who can no longer take others so easily at face value and no longer feel trust the same way I did. I dislike that it has affected my social life and the way I interact with our friends. I feel I lost just SO much.
However, I know that I want this M and that my children will be better off with their parents married and interacting well.
Chris, are you going for C at all? I found that that really helped me move forward from this very negative stage. I still get down periods and periods of resentment, but my therapist has taught me coping strategies. At one stage I was very close to destroying what I had repaired because I was so engulfed in negative feelings. Know that what you are feeling is normal and you WILL get through it.
I am glad you are getting a chance to find out.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
