Still in love with my waw....after divorce

[Bill_S]

Im sorry too germ.

Its hard but we didnt make this decision. We were left out. All we can do is pick up the pieces and keep moving forward. If you have close family and friends you are very lucky. All I have is my son, my mom (who never quite recovered from her divorce), my ex's family (who still like me but love her) and a few friends at church who helped me through this. It stinks. But we all recover....when we are ready to. Pray every time the sad hits. Pray every time the memories (good and bad) flood in. Pray when the anger and resentment take over. Pray for her. Pray on every thing that hurts. Its all we can do.

Take it one day at a time. Give yourself at least a month to grieve. I was lucky, in a sad way, that she began this process 5 years ago. Looking back I see how blind I was. But....it prepared me for the growth that was to come.

Remember....you will heal. You will recover. You will be happy again. Over time the the bad days give way to the neutral days. Those days give way to the good days. And before you know it you go from all bad with the occasional good to mostly good with the occasional bad (and a few days where you just dont care about it anymore).

Just take it one day at a time.

Take care,
Bill

[germ04]

Thanks for the advice. This week has really been one of the most difficult I've ever had to face. It's not bad if I don't fully think about what just happened. But as soon as I realize that I have the label of "divorced" on me then I just break down. I hate how people now wonder about what happened. Divorce really is a failure. I really miss the life I had. I miss taking care of my wife, being there for her, kissing her on the head in the morning while she is still sleeping. I just don't understand how I could do so much for a person and they just leave.

[Chevelle]

At least try to remember, Germ, they will feel that way too. You may never know it and never hear it, but they will feel the loss as well.

Call it stubbornness, pride, whatever...but it falls on them as well.

After all, we all are human, even the WAS..

God bless

Chevelle

[Purr]

Thanks for the advice. This week has really been one of the most difficult I've ever had to face. I really miss the life I had. I miss taking care of my wife, being there for her, kissing her on the head in the morning while she is still sleeping. I just don't understand how I could do so much for a person and they just leave.

Germ,

All I can say is that these words capture exactly how I am feeling now. My WAW and I have been separated 5 months and last week she ended it. I have been really devastated and can relate very much to what you are saying. I went through this kind of pain when she first moved out in December, was doing better, holding some kind of hope. But now, it seems so final and is unbearably sad.

Purr

[germ04]

Purr,
It sucks. I'm just having to trust others that it will get better. I mean I haven't talked to her in 5 months now. It ended so horrible. It's almost like a dream/nightmare that she was even in my life at one time now. But I'm not going to lie, I miss her horribly still. I am working really hard on me. I'm in great shape, working really hard at my job and doing my best to serve God. Yet, I still feel my life's purpose was to be married, have children and live out my vocation of being married. I am living, but I am also existing. I crave a relationship and I've had opportunities for others but right now I just feel that its not right to have one. Part of me feels sadness that at my young age, I can see myself living (and dying) alone.

[Bill_S]

Its been awhile since I posted. Not much has changed except that since being away from her I think I have a better perspective.

I came home with my son and hers one night. She was "away" with the om (the one who cheated on her) and I saw them come "home". They got out and it was rough for me. It still amazes me how you think your done, no more pain inside, and WHAM! Something triggers more. Its the first time i really hated her. But after it all poured out i realized it was a good thing. It helped clear out some buried emotion. Now I dont feel much of anything for her. I cant even remember being married. When I do feel something its irritation at her current childish attitude about life. Shes better but still selfish. Still expects her daughter (and me) to watch the youngest (10 and 12) overnight when she wants to spend the night at om's house....like tonight. I finally just point blank said "I dont love you. Im done. I dont want you back anymore. Im happy now and I dont care what you do, who you do it with or where. Just show me respect and let me know when you take off and I have the kids so I know when to have them back".

Om still comes over to sleep in what was my house, in what was my bed. But thats life. Hes 10 years younger and shes not that great. Besides hes already proven hes not the most trustworthy. Oh well. Her choice and her life. Im done picking up the pieces.

As for me I went out with friends for the first time in a year a week ago. Met a woman who works with exotic animals. I was a zoo keeper so we had a good talk. My friend said she kept staring which was nice. While I focused on her 2 woman came that were friends with my friends gf. Later one called to ask why I didnt talk to her. Ends up she wants to go out with me. And a few days before that another friend told me her friend(shes 24) said i was cute. I guess attitude is everything. I finally see there is life after divorce. I DONT need the ex. None of us do!! If they chose divorce or to walk out of our lives its THEIR problem. Even if we had our own issues which added to the problem. We DIDNT deserve it and we WILL survive and have lives far better than we would have otherwise. Sometimes we just lose sight of that because we are hurting. But God will give us more than we have lost. It just takes time.

As far as moving on guys.....give it time. Work thru the feelings. Give yourself time to heal. Let yourself feel whats there. Dont ignore it or bury it. And understand that every time she does "something"that hurts its just another chance to release some part of the pain and heal.

Bill

[No_More_Dodo]

As for me I went out with friends for the first time in a year a week ago. Met a woman who works with exotic animals. I was a zoo keeper so we had a good talk. My friend said she kept staring which was nice. While I focused on her 2 woman came that were friends with my friends gf. Later one called to ask why I didnt talk to her. Ends up she wants to go out with me. And a few days before that another friend told me her friend(shes 24) said i was cute. I guess attitude is everything. I finally see there is life after divorce. I DONT need the ex. None of us do!! If they chose divorce or to walk out of our lives its THEIR problem. Even if we had our own issues which added to the problem. We DIDNT deserve it and we WILL survive and have lives far better than we would have otherwise. Sometimes we just lose sight of that because we are hurting. But God will give us more than we have lost. It just takes time.

As far as moving on guys.....give it time. Work thru the feelings. Give yourself time to heal. Let yourself feel whats there. Dont ignore it or bury it. And understand that every time she does "something"that hurts its just another chance to release some part of the pain and heal.

Bill

Bill,

I had pretty much sworn off the forums for a while.... However, when the e-mail came through...... I felt like God was speaking to me.... I wanted to thank you for your words.... They are just what I needed...

By the way, it is great to hear you have no shortage of women chasing after you....... As Chaz and I found out, the real problem is sorting through all of the options....... I pray God gives you wisdom in this area.....

Take Care,

NMD

[Bill_S]

NMD,

Im not sure what I said that helped but Im glad it did. Sometimes we just need to hear the right things at the right time I guess. I know Ive gotten some wise words from chevelle just when I needed them too. I think part of this is healing enough to share. We all have something that can help someone else.

Take care,
Bill

--I dont get on the forum much but I always check my email.

[No_More_Dodo]

NMD,

Im not sure what I said that helped but Im glad it did. Sometimes we just need to hear the right things at the right time I guess. I know Ive gotten some wise words from chevelle just when I needed them too. I think part of this is healing enough to share. We all have something that can help someone else.

Take care,
Bill

--I dont get on the forum much but I always check my email.

Bill,

The following really hit home:

I DONT need the ex. None of us do!! If they chose divorce or to walk out of our lives its THEIR problem. Even if we had our own issues which added to the problem. We DIDNT deserve it and we WILL survive and have lives far better than we would have otherwise. Sometimes we just lose sight of that because we are hurting. But God will give us more than we have lost. It just takes time.

Take Care,

NMD

[Bill_S]

Oh...

It took me months to see it (and getting attention from some women helped :D) but it finally sunk in. I still get twinges but its not the same as before. It went from "Gee why dont you love me?" to "Gee, why am I hanging on to nothing?". Plus seeing her with the guy just caused something to snap. She just told me today Ive been "mean" for many weeks now. Had to explain by text (she cant "handle" talking to me ?) that its not the end of our marriage that bugs me its being treated like a throw away tool. Good when the need arises but after that I get tossed aside. Its called "using" but she doesnt see it that way. Just another issue that will come back and haunt her later with whoever shes with. She cant see its possible to use someone without doing it intentionally. Told her its one more reason I "ended" it in my heart.

So here I sit. More calm, happier and I can see a future that will be GREAT without her. And all I have to do is take one step at a time and watch the pieces fall into place. Yeah, it wont be easy. It will hurt at times. Ill get burned and rejected again. Ill have to stick my neck out and take chances. But thats life. At least I know the women out there cant do ANYTHING worse than what my ex did