The retreat was phenomenal.. eating right, exercising, learning about nutrition, the body, breathing, being around positive people in an open environment. I felt like I'd been led there.
While he and the kids were at our FL vacation "Kevin" told the kids he was dating someone. He informed me in an email I didn't receive til I got home. He had a great line which I think is a great way to live .
"..Having upfront discussion(s) will keep us together and avoid the fractures that our family can encounter if we avoid topics that are hard to talk about, but are central to our lives."
It's striking that wasn't present in our marriage. It's something I'm going to embrace.
I guess he told a partial truth, what was most comfortable for him, that he was dating someone.. and not telling that he'd been involved with her for who knows how long during our marriage and was now living with her.
But you know what.. that doesn't matter.. and this is what I hate about telling about it.. because it takes away from me.
I don't know if I can do the DBing as described. My marriage feels like an empty husk, one that has been far emptier for far longer than I ever imagined.
He stayed for the family which is commendable.
The way he physically left was reprehensible with one lie crisscrossing over the other.
In the end, he's been gone for years.
The only thing I feel is the essence of joy and trust that brought us together... a beautiful memory.
I see him as a stranger, someone I don't know or would really want to with his current behavior.
While at the retreat, someone said.. You keep referring to him as your husband.
"Isn't he?" was my reply, "we aren't divorced."
"If he came to you on his hands and knees and begged you to take him back, would you?"
My first thought was that "Kevin" would never do that. The second was yes, I would accept him with conditions. The third was.. would I want to risk losing this joy and beauty that is within me to fall back into such a one sided relationship?
Like Henry Ford once said:
"If you think you can do a thing or think you can't do a thing, you're right"
