Patience is key

[W2G]

Hi Addie,

I'm in agreement with Kalni.. I often feel grateful that I at least am able to be friendly with my H.. there are so many people here that deal with awful spew all of the time.. that would be unbearable for me.

I would guess that your H does want to come home but worries that he will not be able to do the long haul.. and doesn't want to walk out on you again and hurt you all over again.

You are right. He needs to address his issues if he has any hope of finding happiness.

Hugs,
W2G

[ping1]

Hi Addie, any new updates on your end? You are moving in the right direction, your H is making sure he is ready before he fully recommits to the M. This is a good sign, keep your expectations low and let him come to you when he is ready.

[JenInVen]

Hi Addie

I've been checking up on everyone. Any news on whether H found another place to live?

side note...
Isn't it funny that no matter what country we live in our Hs go through the same thing? I mean really think about it: you and your H and W2G and her H in Canada, Kalni and her H in Greece, Stella and her H in the middle east (not natives there though) me and my H in Venezuela, countless others in the UK and the USA.....and the list goes on and on. I mean WTF is it?

Seriously, I don't get it.

Jen

[smith18]

Jen - I think you are on to something...it is a world wide epidemic of WAS's. I have not seen any posts from Antartica, so maybe that is where I should move to. What is going on with Jen in Northern South America?

I hope it is going well,

Kerry from Middle North America

[addie]

Hi everyone - Stella, Kalni, W2G, Jen, Ping, Kerry (hope I didn't leave anyone out)
Not much has been going on here. H makes contact every day with email/phone call and he's also been coming by just about every day. I don't know what's happened with his living situation but he hasn't mentioned anything since Tuesday and he sounded pretty desperate then. I'm not about to ask him.
A part of me wonders if he was trying to reach out to me and that was his way to save face. First he needs to come back due to finances, then due to his roommates, then he brings up S11 and how he wants to be here for him. The reason I needed to hear (that he wanted to try working on the marriage), he didn't mention at all. I know he's still very confused. Therefore I could not risk him coming back and have this happen again down the road.
Jen, you are right. It's the age of disposable marriages.
Kerry, that's funny. Antarctica is sounding more and more attractive.

[stella_k]

A part of me wonders if he was trying to reach out to me and that was his way to save face.

I hear you, Addie!

I keep thinking the same thing: what if H was reaching out and I didn't react or did something to push him back into his tunnel.
I guess I act according to what I know, not what I feel.
How can we train our intellect to listen to our intuition?

[Kalni]

I'd say you girls, both, have it right. They ARE reaching out to you. What is holding you back is the reasons why the do it and the integrity in their intentions. After surviving (successfully) a heart break it is never too much to be cautious.

I bet you if someone told you that they have done what they should with themselves and are ready to work on the M, you both be thrilled to take that extra step to them in spite of any other feelings you are having.

So, you actually are listening to your intution and what you are hearing is not (YET) what you wish to hear...

Patience, you are getting there...

K

[addie]

Well last night as I was typing the post above H walks in. I didn't know he was coming over. He said something about the wireless internet being down at his place and he needed to do some work. However, he was in no hurry to get to work. He sat on the couch with S who was watching TV. We all had a good laugh with the show that S was watching.
After S went to bed I sat down to watch the news with a cup of tea and made H some tea. I noticed a duffle bag in the doorway (H's overnight bag) but didn't mention it. After 11 I decided to go to bed. I gave H a hug (first time in a long time I've initiated) and said goodnight. He was sitting down but didn't really hug me back - I suppose he wasn't expecting me to hug him and was thrown off by it. I had no idea whether he was planning to stay or leave.
He was on the computer for a couple of hours and then got into bed without saying a word. I was half asleep and didn't say anything. Some time later he places his arm over me - I placed my arm over his and we slept like that for some time. It felt really good to share some affection. After a while he did the same thing again and we remained like that for some time. At one point during the night he got up to go to the bathroom, gets back into bed and then places the covers over his face and sleeps like that for a while. I really think he wanted to have s*x but wanted me to initiate which I didn't.
In the morning, I got up before him, made coffee for us. When he finally got up (very unusual because he's always an early riser), he asked how I was doing. I was upbeat - I think he was expecting me to be distant after last night. He went to work out in the exercise room and I joined him after a while.
He went into work for a couple of hours and asked if I wanted to do some more cooking in the afternoon. It's a miserable day here so I said sure.
I know I should set more boundaries but at the same time I'm happy he wants to be here. I really have NFC what is going on between us or how I should be acting. I know I'm also giving him mixed signals telling him I don't want him living here until some issues have been addressed and then I allow him to sleep over...

[stella_k]

Addie, WOW! It surely means something. He is reaching out, no doubt.You're doing everything right, keep doing it. May be you can hug and even kiss him lightly, not to frighten him away, just to show a little tenderness.

[JenInVen]

Addie... Its great that H spent the night. I'd give almost anything for H to spend a night here. Don't over analyse ok? Just keep a PMA and continue with what you're doing because it's obviously working!

Jen