Jak and Matilda, I will plan on having conversations with those who have been to Hawaii. My W will need to be patient. This trip needs to be researched and planned for. If she needs a quick vacation, we'll have to consider somewhere else for this spring or summer.
The meeting with the financial planner does seem like a baby step. It's almost like a form of marital counseling--having a third party help us to discuss and problem-solve around a difficult topic.
My W is trusting me to help with more of the cooking job, doing those tasks she dislikes, and which I don't mind doing. She said recently, that maybe she shouldn't be pushing me to get a part-time job, as I'm helping so much with the cooking job.
We've started playing online Scrabble, and enjoy it. She has beaten me every game so far. She has a knack for creating words out of impossible situations.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Jak, Matilda, and Piecing Friends, At the dance last night, a lady who is a regular dance partner of mine asked me if I wanted to practice with her. I didn't respond. She had called me a few weeks ago, to see if I was interested in joining her for a dance she was going to. I didn't return the call.
My W has given me permission to practice with other ladies. After the dance, I told my W that this lady had asked me to practice with her. Her focus was more on having the house cleaned if she came to my place.
The reason I'm considering it, is this lady has been dancing for years, and I could learn from her. I'm not clear if her motive is purely to have a practice partner and she likes me, or if there is another agenda (sexual). I'm not sure if she knows whether or not I'm in a committed R.
It would be great if I could participate in a platonic dance practice R, for the purpose of improving my dancing, and developing a deeper partnership with another dancer. My W said that as long as our dance partnership isn't compromised, than she's OK with it.
My W has had two dance partnerships over the years. The one she used to practice at our home on a regular basis, she has become friends with, and the other she competed with last year, and now enjoys dancing with him.
I'm going to think about this for now. This is new territory for me.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Jak, Matilda, and Piecing Friends, Last night's dance class was difficult.
I was having difficulty getting a basic step, and was getting frustrated. My W tried to show me, but I still didn't get it. I asked the teacher to explain. My W kept interrupting, and I asked her to be quiet so I could hear the teacher. This infuriated her. She says that I yelled at her. The teacher ended-up moving her aside so she could speak to me and playfully called her a brat.
My W wouldn't dance with me the rest of the class. The teacher said that she was pouting because I wouldn't let her pick on me. The teacher also told her that she picks on people if they aren't perfect.
My W is blaming me for the incident, and demanded an apology. I told her,I didn't do anything wrong, but am sorry for any unintentional harm I may have caused. I merely asked the teacher a question. We went to bed with the issue unresolved. She wanted me to say things I didn't believe.
We spoke some more this morning. She wanted me to stick-up for her in class, and say that she was right in her instruction, and that she has been a great help to me in the past.
She also states that I don't show enough appreciation for all the help she has given me with dance practice. She also says that I seem to have more fun when I'm dancing with other women, but not with her. She's talking about not practicing with me for now, and wants to seek another dance partner.
I'm trying to make sense of this. It certainly is an adjustment having my W in a dance class with me. She has these expectations of me. I'm just there to get dance instruction. She's not taking any responsibility for the incident last night.
It certainly was embarrassing acting-out our marital issues in front of the group, but I'm trying to think that it's OK to have an imperfect M, and that other relationships and people in the group are also imperfect, and that the men can relate to the difficulties of being in a M, and probably don't think less of me.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
Jak, I wouldn't know what to apologize for. She said that I yelled at her. I was annoyed with her for interrupting the teacher while she was trying to answer my question. She wanted me to tell the teacher that she had the matter at hand.
I'll let her vent and express regret that the evening turned-out the way it did. I'll try to affirm that I do enjoy dancing with her, and hope that we can continue to practice and attend class together.
It won't be enough. I'll have to tolerate her being upset with me.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
