The reason why he has a hard time with the girls is because he flaunted his affair right smack in their faces back in 2005-2006 before he moved out.
At the beginning of this he told the girls that all of the kids were unwanted, etc. amongst other things.
He now knows what he said/did and I think it hurts him deeply and has never been able to maintain a close relationship with them. Let alone forgive himself.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
At the beginning of this he told the girls that all of the kids were unwanted
My H never said this but at the time that he left my youngest D was 10. He told her he had wanted to leave for 10 years. I don't think I need to spell out how that made her feel. She is currently the one who is less interested in seeing him (closely followed by D17)
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
SF, How are you doing? How are the children? My heart goes out to all of you. His running away again, is a sign that he's not grown up enough to face the issues and work on them. He's just not ready to do the work that is required to be home and your partner. I wish that I could just reach out and give you a big hug. It hurts and I know just how you feel.
SF, the five weeks he was home were hard work, but don't you think for one minute he won't think about his being back under the same roof as you and your children. He will have plenty to think about in the days to come. But, for now, I do worry about you and the children. It's always such an emotional upheaval when they come home, leave, etc.
I'm just so sorry about all of this. I'm sending you warm thoughts and prayers to help you get through this, just like everyone else is already. Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
We are doing okay. It does get a little better with each day.
Cannot remember if I posted this here but yesterday, D16 texted her dad without my knowledge letting him know that she does not want anything to do with him by phone or in person until he gets his heart right with God amongst other things.
She told me about this over an hour after she sent it to him.
None of us have spoken to him for 24 hours but he did text her back with:
do you still need money for a yearbook?
I guess it is not strange in the MLC world but to an outsider it probably seems so strange. I think he is thinking about things and okay, we know these MLCers may take off a few times which is painful for all of us but somehow we cope and no matter what, God is in control.
I think it is going to be okay. He will come to his senses and realize he needs to make some changes in his life, esp. the drinking.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
This may have been an unusual response but it is way better than the responses my girls have received when they have done something similar. One such TM prompted my H not to see or speak to D18 for over 6 months. Your H may not be fully 'cooked' but he is not completley raw like mine
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
SF, His question isn't that unusual. Deep down, he knows that he is still her father and she most likely needs to money for her yearbook. He knows that this is important to her and yes, it can also be looked at as a peace offering, an olive branch, so to speak.
Your outlook is wonderful. Yes, God is in control of this situation and he will guide him. He's just one of those that needs to come home a couple of times, run again and then settle down. You are his lighthouse in the storm and your beacon is still shining brightly for him. Once he senses it is safe to contact you again, he will. Right now, he's angry, disgusted with himself and ashamed of what he's done and put all of you through. He doesn't know how to face you just yet, but he will. He can't be out of pocket for very long. He needs all of you in his life and that's what is so very important to him, no matter how it looks at this time.
SF, please do something for yourself this weekend. Take a walk, enjoy God's many treasures and know that everything will work out just the way he has planned it for you and your family.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you, Snodderly for your posts. They have really helped me a lot.
D16 is going to a pancake breakfast this morning and then later on to a youth activity at church so I will be busy playing taxi.
I am trying very hard not to think about H right now. The girls said they do not want him back here because all he does is get drunk. They are right and I am sure if he heard them say that, it would force him to think about what he is doing. He stopped drinking for one year with no problem but since he is facing his demons, drinking seems to be his choice of self-medicating.
H called S17 3-4 times lastnight from just after 6:30PM to 12:30AM this morning. I did not ask S17 what they talked about.
I don't think H can live without his family for very long but we'll see.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Not much going dark when you have a very small house but that does not mean I cannot do things/go places.
Yes, he can only go back into the tunnel so far and they are stuck.
I wonder if H regrets his moving out because he has called S17 about 12 times since lastnight--I think it is just smalltalk but I don't ask.
H did not come over today and I really did not expect him to.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
