Been away for a while again, but wanted to post a brief update. Essentially, my wife and I have been spending a lot of time together with the kids, and while it is not all going perfectly well, it's a hell of a lot better than it was. The roller coaster ride of up and down emotions from her continues, but that's not unexpected. Fact is, she wants to work on this and see how we can rebuild our marriage. A huge leap forward, as those of you that have been following my posts can attest.
We started couples counseling this week. Another huge step. Unfortunately, our counselor (the same one we went to for co-parent counseling) is leaving on vacation for three weeks, so it will be a while before we return. When we do go back, the counselor is going to have a session with me only, then her, then the both of us together. Obviously I'm very excited by the way this is going. Today, for the first time, there was even a bit of flirting between us, ever so subtle (on her part at least). No hugs or kisses yet, but I can be patient.
For those of you out there that doubt your situation will ever improve, then go back and see just how dark and hopeless mine was. You might find a bit of hope in knowing that if my horrible sitch can even get to where it is today, then there exists possibilities for anyone. Not saying I'm out of the woods yet, but this sure is an improvement.
Have a great weekend everyone!
Me: 39 WAW: 40 S10, D7, S6 Bomb #1 - 12-24-06: Move out (ILYBNILWY - admitted '05 PA) Move back: 3-2-07 (W: I still want to be married to you) Bomb # 2 - 4-11-07: (W: Can't do this - never loved you) Move out again: 4-29-07 Dark: 6-8-07
I am curious as to whether or not your wife yet knows about the other women you were involved with over the past year.
While it is certainly true that she was carrying on with other men, I am reminded of a conversation you had with her in March...
Quote:
Are you implying that I have done something inappropriate, or even was unfaithful to you?" She was silent, then finally responded "it wouldn't surprise me" OK, that irked me, but I held it together and told her "not that I have to explain myself to you, but you know darn well that I have never, ever done anything like that nor had I ever wanted to. I can rest easily knowing that the entire time we were together I was completely faithful to you " I left, then came back for one more thing by saying "that goes to show me a great deal. We are having a lot of problems based on what you perceive to be issues, but have no factual basis whatsoever . You need to think about that".
I realize you are still in the beginning stages of trying to heal the damage, but I'm guessing that this issue will eventually be on the table and have to be dealt with.
Continued good fortunes.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
Regarding Bill's post asking if my wife knows about the other women I was with during our separation. Well, she knows about Linda, knows I dated her for about six months (on and off towards the end), and has mentioned it many times. She hasn't come out and said it bothers her, but I know it does. When the time comes that she wants to address it, I will not hold anything back.
As for any other women, she hasn't asked and I haven't offered. And to be honest here, it the midst of a "dark spell" I encountered, I did some stuff I'm not particularly proud of. Can't change it, and I'm not certain yet how to answer those kind of questions. Wish it was diferrent, but it's not.
And Bill, the quote you put up was in reference to anything that may have happened from the day I met her in '97 through the time we separated in April of '07. She had insinuated that prior to our separation, I may have been doing inappropriate things with women that worked for me, or I met in the course of my business. Never did, or even desired to.
Could you talk a little bit about your "dark?" That is kind of where I am.
When I went dark on her, it was a time that I cannot really say I had much of a choice. She wouldn't discuss anything substantive with me anyway, and all I got was the most horrific spew you could imagine; things a man should never hear from his wife. To include things about her and other men, some made up, but some that I'm sure was true. I could either trudge through it and engage her in it, or completely back off. It helped me to back off, again, because there was nothing to be gained by seeing her or talking to her. Her venom was strong and it was driving me crazy, crazy, crazy.
Reality speaking, it didn't last as long as it should have. My weakness is that I "needed" to speak to her, just had to. The results were not good - not at all.
If you followed me last summer, you would know that we ended up with the ultimate in "dark"; the Temporary Restraining Order. Within a month, I was arrested for violating the order. Great..... The upside? Well, to be honest, I've sat with this thought for a long time and realize that just maybe, odd as it sounds, that the TRO may have been the best thing for us. If FORCED me to be dark, otherwise I'd get arrested again, then it would be lights out; I'd lose my kids. I literally went almost four months without speaking to her, and the only time we saw each other was in court. I think that gave my wife the chance to see how life was without me, and unfortunately, to see how life might be with other men. Now here we are.
Hope that helped. Let me know if you have any other questions.
Oddly enough, it was part of it, no doubt in my mind. As you see in another response here, I also believe that the "forced darkness" due to the restraining order played into it all. Funny how these things work out.
