Well, H just called me at work. He asked me if I wanted to go and get a margarita tonight. I told him I didn't know, and I would call him after work. I sort of have plans tonight...they aren't set in stone...but I don't know if I should cancel what I was originally doing just because H called me. I can't go running to him everytime he calls. I am thinking about just telling him I have plans tonight but I can go tomorrow night.
He also made a confession about the car payment. He didn't pay the whole thing. He only paid $150 and the payment is $400. He said he didn't think it was a big deal because they would be glad they got SOMETHING. The sad thing is that he really believes that. What makes me mad is that he paid things like cable, internet, credit cards, phone bill, etc. before he paid the car payment.
I tried to keep quiet about it. He kept asking what the big deal was. I told him I just didn't want my credit to have a late payment on it. He said "Well it isn't like they are going to reposses the car." Then he told me he didn't want to be chastised and treated like a child. WTF!!! The ONLY thing I said is that I didn't want my credit dinged.
The thing is, it is going to be like that every month. He cannot afford that car. I have told him that I would be willing to trade cars with him...but he doesn't seem to want to do that. I think I need to put my foot down that he take me up on the offer or he sells it and gets something that I am not also responsible for.
Okay, two things. First of all, you already had plans. Second, after that confession about the car insurance wouldn't you just want to smack the crap out of him?
That is SOOOOOO irresponsible. Especially since your name is on the car. He is going to HATE it and be FURIOUS with you, but you need to put your foot down. You need to protect your credit history. That is completely unacceptable and intolerable.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Good for you for not jumping at the chance to go out with him. I could totally see myself canceling my plans and going out with my H. So totally good for you!
I would be really ticked about the car payment. Heck, I am a little ticked about my H not paying his student loan and my name isn't connected to that. I think you need to really talk to him about this and let him know that paying part of it isn't a choice. If he can't pay the whole amount then he needs to sell the car.
My gosh, the comments your H made about that car totally sounds like mine!!!
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Well, I didn't go out with H on Friday night. I called him after work and just told him that I already had plans. Looking back, maybe I should have gone with him because I think I would have been ready to have my talk with him. Now my anger has subsided a bit.
Yes Michelle I wanted to smack him when he said he didn't make the whole payment. I asked him if he thought he should sell it and he told me he would do whatever I thought he should do. What I wish he would do is grow up and get his sh!t together! Sara, I think our Hs are a lot alike when it comes to responsibility.
So I am thinking I am going to call him today and tell him I need to talk. I need to tell him that we are either working on this or we aren't. If we are working on it, then I need certain things(move in together, pay bills together, counseling, him to open up about his affair..and why it ended, him to be an open book with me) and if we aren't working on it, then I need certain things (separate ourselves financially so that his problems are no longer mine, file for D).
I am also going to tell him that I cannot gaurantee that I will be able to work through it..but I am willing to try. I think that he thinks he is the only one confused about what he wants...I am too. I am not sure I can completely forgive him and let go, but the difference is that I am willing to try. If he isn't, then I need him to let me go and let me move on.
We will see if I get the nerve for this. I NEED to do it. I am at the end of my rope.
Good luck Kris! I am sure it will be difficult, but if you are at the end of your rope, then you really have no choice but to have this talk.
I am getting to the end of my rope. I am not there yet, but getting close. I am pretty sure H is back with the OW and I am just at a loss for feeling at the moment. I am giving myself time to sort things out in my mind.
I think you are already past that point and know what you need for you. It is a difficult task, but just build up all of the strength you have and take that step to having the talk.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
It sounds like you have a good idea of what you need to say.
What you said about the anger fading - DON'T talk to him when you are worked up. It will be easy for him to dismiss your points as being emotionally based and hope that when you calm down you will change your mind.
That said, just call him up and say, let's get together in a couple days, we need to talk. Then you have a self-imposed deadline.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
You are right Michelle, probably better I didn't talk to him while I was angry. He probably would have just dismissed it at that point. I geuss I said that because I had the nerve to do it then...and now my nerve is subsiding. I start feeling sorry for him and let that get the best of me.
I can't use the "we need to talk" phrase because he automatically gets defensive when I say that and it never turns out good. I was just thinking of asking him to dinner as a raincheck for Friday and then just having a talk with him.
Maybe don't say we need to talk then...but do consider where and when to talk. I.e. do you think it would be easier in public or at his place? In the evening or lunch? Just suggesting the DB stuff about picking a time and place when you two can actually really talk without distractions and stress.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I sent H a text about getting together in the next couple of days and he sent me one back that said he gets off work at 5:00 tonight....so we may very well be having this talk tonight.
As for when and where is better...probably his place in the evening...so wish me luck and I hope I don't lose my nerve.
Sadly I think at this point his answer is going to be D...but like I said, I am at the end of my rope.
. He didn't pay the whole thing. He only paid $150 and the payment is $400. He said he didn't think it was a big deal because they would be glad they got SOMETHING. The sad thing is that he really believes that. What makes me mad is that he paid things like cable, internet, credit cards, phone bill, etc. before he paid the car payment.