Totally Lost after 23 years

[CBK]

I need help. I am a total emotional wreck right now. My wife has basically said we are done - she is in counseling to help her get past the OM and me and wants to be out on her own.

We went to counseling yesterday and anything I say, it helps her confirm that she wants out. What the F do I DO????

I need to start DBing, but I can't get going. She is out right now, not even sure when she will be home, but she said where she would be. I am going to go to the gym, but not real motivated.

I want to give her the space, not talk about R, OM or S - but God help me, I am not sure if I am strong enough. I am so totally in love with her. A good friend is a therapist that knows us both (our entire marriage) and he was shocked when I told him about the OM - very much out of character. Was I that uncaring toward her? I must have been as she found another temporary person to take my place. I am totally lost. I know I need to be more empathetic and LISTEN to her. That would be the 180 I need to work on.

We have a dinner party to go tomorrow night with a bunch of our married friends. They all know we are having M problems, but I don't know how to act. I want to talk to W about tomorrow night, but is that breaking the DBing philosophy?

I need so much advice. I really don't have a support network where I am because I refuse to talk about the A with other people that know us, I made the promise to W - but the first question I get is "did YOU have an affair" - I say no - they don't even ask about her (I travel a lot for work).

I just want to kiss her when she walks in the door, hold her hand, make love to her. We were having sex about a week before she dropped the bomb - it hasn't been real intamite for a while, very much like a chore. I knew this but we are horrible communicators. How do I get her to change her mind? How do I GAL at my age in a bedroom community when all our friends are married?

So lost, looking for answers.