Piecing...Ostriching...Salvaging.. I don't know...

[PhD_ChrisD]

Hi All,

I am confident enough in my sitch to post over here now. It sure is a lot better than where I was! In many ways, it feels great to be here, in other ways, I am still experiencing many negative (e.g., hurt, confusing, anger) thoughts and emotions.

So my summary is as follows:
Me: Was controlling husband consumed with work, academics, and my own self-interests.
W: Was super-wife and super-mom. Stay at home mom. Always did everything around the house and was quite concerned with my happiness as well as our children's happiness.
Sitch: She starts EA on the Internet. Falls in love with some scum-bag. Displays some really inapporpriate behavior for this scum-bag. Planned on flying up to see him (she bought tickets, hotel room, etc.) but he dumped her! Then she looses her mind, starts drinking, smoking, partying and pretty much ingores me and our two children. She asks me to move out and wants a D, and I did move out for a short time. She goes through a number of men (confirmed PA - but she still never admits to it). Then she wants to go to MC (we did) but she is still seeing this other scum-bag. I finally put an end to one scum-bag guy and the other one just sort of folds on his own accord (what with a bit of encouragement from me).
Present: She is back to super-mom. She does not go out anymore and barely drinks at home. We get along well for the most part. She just wants to "forget" the last 8 months and even made me agree to pay $20 if I ever bring it up. I don't try to control her at all. I did a lot of IC and learned to identify this trait and, while not entirely extinguished, nullify it.

So now my questions:
1) When we ML, she makes it real obvious she is not into it much and it comes accross as a pain in her butt. This to the point where I am not intersted much. Is this common? I thought we were going to have hyper-bonding sex? I want in on that!
2) Why does this seem like such a hollow victory? In reading though the forums, it appears that this is a common sentiment.
3) Why is my distrust, anger, resentment, and frustration all coming back? I am trying so hard to supress this. I thought I forgave her?
4) Is just supressing the last 10 months really a good strategy? I always imagined us sitting down and talking through the entire thing. Or perhaps going to MC again, or just having coffee and talking about what got us where we were and what is going to work for the future. I know these are expectations and I have learned to have few of them with her, but it just makes sense to try to learn from the past.
5) Why do I have so many nagging doubts about the success of DB? I know I shouldn't becuase I have came so far (back from the brink of D), but honestly, I am doubting my own resolve as much as hers.
6) Why does she appear to still not care about me? I know she went through that entire selfish phase, but isn't she supposed to be out of it now? Or is it me, and I being too self-centered. I am trying hard to show concern, love, affection (almost too much where she thinks I am being to clingy (a 180 for me) and needs me to quit pawing her). I even learned her hobby so that I can help her and have fun!

Well, that is my whole 10 month saga in a nutshell.

Best,
--Chris