Ya know...I'm gettin to the point where I just don't wanna do this anymore. I'm tired of the rejection, I'm tired of the pain, I'm just tired of this whole freakin' thing.
H didn't come to the party...that's fine. Didn't really expect him to...that's not what's bothering me. What's getting to me is that H refuses to talk to me about anything. I mean, I know....we're not supposed to talk about the R...I'm supposed to be happy and upbeat everytime I talk to him....yeah, yeah, yeah...got all that. I'm just so tired of feeling like I gotta cater to him! This FOOL who I spent so much time taking care of and being there for him and his family....I'm angry that ONCE AGAIN it's all about him! I am very angry that we're going thru this right at the time that he FINALLY seemed like he was getting his shyte together in life....then BAM!!!! world turned upside down and here I am being the "Good-Little-Wifey" again...ugggh!! Pisses me off everytime I think about all the stuff this man put me through!! Yes....I am angry....and sad, and tired, and frustrated, and happy with my life when he not around....all at the same time.
I'm tired and frustrated...can ya tell??? I feel like I'm stuck, We're not making any progress and I just don't care anymore. I don't wanna feel like this...I wanna feel like I really want my M to work and my H to come home but I don't feel like that. This is soooo krazy.
Now I'm at the point of thinking about changing the beneficiary on my life policy...this is nuts. Esp since I have to get H signature in order to do that. But I feel like I need to do this cuz he ain't gonna act right anyway and I want my child to be protected. Wanted to talk to H about it but of course he been blowing me off for weeks. Now I feel like forget talkin'...Imma just fill out the damn form and take it to him to sign.
Is this just a down moment that we all go thru or what??? I had been just fine before he reappeared and took me off my square. I was happy...had practically moved on....was feeling real good about myself...I had it goin' on baby!!! He came back and thru the monkey-wrench in the works...I gotta get back to me being me.
Does anybody else just feel like this sometimes?? How do you know when enough is enough???
