Ali, ND, and everyone else who chimed in w/ such great words of advice. Thank you. You are right on, folks. Thanks!
Here is my update...
W sent me an e-mail about the time and place to pick up D on Saturday. So, I sent her off a reply oking the time and location. I had to take one of the dogs to the vet b/c he has an infected anal gland, so I also told her about that so she was in the loop.
However, the best part of my response was in telling her, NOT asking her, when I'd like to see D in the upcoming weeks. I laid out the schedule and said I'd be willing to accomodate her on pick ups and drop offs.
W sent a this afternoon first saying I still haven't addressed her "issue" of my telling D to lie to W and keep secrets from her. She then said we had "agreed" on her having D for the birthday weekend and my having her on the following weekend.
I sent the following reply:
Quote:
Thanks for getting back to me. Our original discussions centered on the upcoming weekends only, not on the week days. We are in agreement on the birthday weekend and the weekend after, but I would like to see her during the week as well.
I am offering to pick her up from (daycare) on the 22nd and bring her back to you at (location) on the 24th. I will do the same for the following week, picking her up at (daycare) on the 28th and return her to you at (loacation) on the 30th.
As for D keeping secrets and being told to lie to you, I don't know what to tell you. D and I don't talk about divorce and we don't talk about the marriage. We pretty much just hang out and play, so I really don't have anything to add to that conversation. Thank you for letting me know and I'll keep my ears open. If anything like this comes up when D is with me, I'll let you know.
I'm proud of my ability to state what I wanted and I should get (time w/ D) as well as to acknowledge her "issue" without being defensive or combative.
I won't be saying anything more on her claim. What I put is basically verbatim of the notes I took down from my session w/ my DB coach yesterday morning. We had both hoped to have this conversation verbally, but since she brought it up again in the e-mail, I thought it would be good to get it out and have a written record of it.
W sent back the following:
Quote:
Our original discussions were not about weekends or week days. Our original discussion was about visitation. PERIOD...This is what you asked for and that is what you have.
I replied: "I was under the impression we were discussing the upcoming weekends only and not the week days. I am in agreement to the weekends we've discussed, but I would like to see her during the week as well. It would be unfortunate if I couldn't see her during the week."
I'll send it off then see what she has to say in response. If she balks again, I'll let it go and not drag it out. The court and the parenting evaluator will see what is going on here as it is very clear. If I get another reply like this one, I will simply say, "That is unfortunate" and hit send.
Less is more. I'm keeping it simple, not defending or taking the bait, or caving into her tantrums. My reply e-mail will be proof enough.
