many people who have an affair feel like they have totally screwed up their lives and that there is no way to repair it. They don't feel like they deserve to be married to the innocent spouse. In their minds, they feel like it is more honorable to divorce the innocent spouse so they can go on and find someone "worthy" of them. Then they marry the OP because they feel like they have to do the right thing by them.
FW's response:
Quote:
Okay - Did you know me before I started posting on 4060?? The above could have been written by me about me for me. Notice all the 'me's? It was all about me. It is part of the self-loathing and guilt over the mess I had made of my life. I told BFM time and again to move on. She deserved better. I was not worthy... Thank God she did not.
I was also hell-bent on marrying OW at the same time. We were making wedding plans even though I knew I would never be happy in the long run. At the time, I was able to justify my actions by saying OUT LOUD that the marriage was OVER and BFM deserved better. I had hoped to get BFM to bite and tell me I was right - See ya H2F. Then I could move on and do the right thing with OW (and get my career back on track) and start respecting myself more for not causing BFM and my children any more pain by dragging it out.
"you deserve better, go find yourself someone better than I am."
Heard those words many times from FW. I included his recent response to this behavior so you can see what MAY be going through your H's head.
Love that quote you pulled off my thread from amd. I always loved that analogy and even thought about including it in my response to you.
No, I'm fairly new to this. FW has been home nearly 5 months now and things are going great. It's still hard. We had a rough patch this week, but nothing too serious.
Good idea to hold your tongue for now. FW figured things out on his own without me having to drive my point home. It seemed a natural process for him anyway. I don't think they are all like that. Fw has always been very "in tune" with his feelings and able to work stuff out pretty well on his own.
As far as someone else making you happy. Fw has figured that one out too.
Just continue to show him love in a detached way. Don't try to control or argue with him or "fix" him. Just listen and encourage and BE PATIENT.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
