#3 Did I find DB too late? Maybe not...

[cw68]

So I was just in the car and said to myself, aloud: My Marriage is Over.

Perhaps this is just detaching, I don't know. All I know is that the man I married is gone. The marriage I thought I had is gone. All I have is a man who's incredibly self-centered, shallow and f-ed up and he just happens to be my kids father, the man I once thought had the cajones to do this thing called marriage. I was wrong.

I want to take my rings off, but am not. I am not going to show any changes from his note yesterday; all the changes are in my heart.

All I replied to his email was thanks and that communication is good. I was very blase this morning during the kid exchange, I purposefully busied myself with a task this morning. Forwarded a t-ball email, he called me talk about it. Then emailed me the same thing he said. Came home to a message from him that he was just called to say Hi, see how I was, didn't have anything specific to say yet asked me to call him back to chat. I returned his call and left a message that I was just returning his call. That's it.

Since family time is good for my kids, and apparently my H, I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing, but mentally I'm preparing for this to be over. I have asked him to do Retro in July. After his email I think that if he goes it's going to be the only chance he'll have to understand the importance of our vows and the whole commitment thing. If he won't go, I have my answer. I know that Retro won't guarantee anything either, but it could help save my family.

Basically, I can do this until July 10. If he won't go to Retro, we're over. If he will do Retro, we'll see. I don't have high hopes and I'm honestly beginning to wish this was just all over with so I can figure out what to do with my broken heart, my broken dreams and my future.