I'm sorry you had a rough date. It's very possible your son simply had the dream because he saw a spider on tv or in a book or in the yard. I'd stop torturing yourself on that one if you can.
As for your question to me, I think you can "conditionally validate" your husband's comments. For example, you can say that it would be a good decision to come home if he is willing to do this and that. That the only time he makes bad decisions are from this and that. Basically telling him that you'll let him back into your life IF he changes, but that IF he changes you believe the two of you and the family will be happy together.
I wager however, that he isn't looking for this conditional validation. He wants it to be easy and that he dosen't have to answer for the things he has done to hurt you. Remember, until recently he really hasn't had any consequences because you have taken him back and still loved him. He is still learning this new behaviour and this one isn't as simple for him. He is sort of like a toddler right now testing you to see what he can get away with. You know how to handle those children right BBJ?
Yep Woog, clear, stated expectations (work on marriage together, increase intimacy/affection/obviously no OWs, etc). Clear, stated consequences for not meeting expectations (hello separation or D). And then consistency with the follow-through.
My D hates it, my S hates it. I am sure my H will, too.
My kids are at recess, I checked my phone. State Farm called earlier re. a claim we are trying to make for hail damage on our roof. The roof looks like crap from the damage and we want to fix it before we sell.
Anywho, H is the one who called to make the claim, gave them the dates of the storm, etc. So I wanted him to be the one to call back, so they don't get conflicting information (I have mentioned H doesn't always see the truth the same way as me and if I give differing details I don't want to be "responsible" for screwing up the claim.)
I just called him to give him the 800 number and claim #. Tried to get off the phone ASAP but he stopped me twice. First, to tell me he would be down tonight "right after work, as soon as I get stuff from Mom and Dad's (clothes)". I said, sounds great, see you then-- He stopped me again. Said, "S's kdg parent meeting is the 24th. FYI I have to fly to Boise on the 25th. I said, fine, do you have to miss the meeting? He said, no. I said, we are going back the night of the 24th b/c I have to work the next day. So will your trip cause a conflict? He said no.
I didn't see why he thought it was so important to tell me about the trip. He did say it meant he wouldn't get back until Saturday afternoon, so maybe he wanted me to know he wouldn't be down to see the kids? I just thought of something, I should have asked if I could go along on the trip so I could visit a guy friend I know in Idaho (OK Woog I know you are hours from Boise but HE doesn't know that!)
I don't know if it is good, bad, or neither that he is coming down "right away" (really that means 9 or 10, he never leaves work until 6) tonight. If he was turning me down and feeling guilty about it, I figured he would come up with an excuse to get here in the middle of the night, or not until Saturday (like when the cow was calving and he didn't come down). So I assume it means he has made a decision and is ready to give it to me, one way or another.....I way overthink this stuff.
I have seen Kalni and some others post songs on here. I heard this one in the car yesterday and it caught me by surprise. I don't know how new or old it is, I never heard it before.
Realistic or not, this sums up what I WANT my H to say to me. (I do not in ANY way believe it is what he WILL say though)
Whatever It Takes--Lifehouse
A strangled smile fell from your face It kills me that I hurt you this way The worst part is that I didn't even know Now there's a million reasons for you to go But if you can find a reason to stay
I'll do whatever it takes To turn this around I know what's at stake I know that I've let you down And if you give me a chance Believe that I can change I'll keep us together whatever it takes
She said "If we're gonna make this work You gotta let me inside even though it hurts Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see" She said "Like it or not it's the way it's gotta be You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"
I'll do whatever it takes To turn this around I know what's at stake I know that I've let you down And if you give me a chance And give me a break I'll keep us together, I know you deserve much better
But remember the time I told you the way that I felt That I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else Start over, start over
I'll do whatever it takes To turn this around I know what's at stake I know I've let you down And if you give me a chance and believe that I can change I'll keep us together whatever it takes
