State of Mind

[Aud31]

Ditto!

[Phoenix_spark]

Yep, I'm here to keep my old DB friends on the front page. Let's have an update.

[Phoenix_spark]

So am I the only one going to post to this thread. Let's get with the program people. I hope things are going well for you there.

[BeingMe]

Good grief! I hardly ever come to my own thread! Thanks for checking up on me, Pnoenix!

Things are going fine. I just finished two courses ... Fitness Theory, and Group Fitness Theory. So, I am on my way to getting BCRPA certified. Next, I have to write the exam, then organize some classes ... have to give 8 hours of aerobics as part of the certification requirements. I may give them at church for the ladies.

H is still travelling. He is in Portland, OR, at the moment, and I am going down for a week next week. It's one of the USA cities that I really like, and wouldn't mind living there. I will be spending time at Powell's Bookstore, shopping at the outlet malls, and we'll go out to some interesting, local restaurants. Of course, I will be on my own during the day, but that's okay. I'll try and fit in some workouts at the local gyms too. My S20 will be taking care of D15, so I won't have to worry about her, since he is pretty responsible, and so is she. They also get on very well, and hang out a lot anyway. It should be a nice holiday for me. I just wish I knew someone there that I can hang out with. Haven't noticed if there are any DB'ers from that area. Oh well, luckily, I don't mind my own company at all.

I have sent in my application to the local university for September. Eek! I hope I can do it. I just want to get my degree (even if it's only associates) at last. I will also be doing the coaching and creative writing courses in the next few months ... one can do it online, so that should work out great for me.

I am giving my first RS lesson on Sunday, and been busy trying to put that together. It's on remembering God's kindness in our lives. It's a very broad subject, and it's not from the manual so I can come at it from just about any angle I want.

So, I have been a busy bee these past few weeks, and I like it that way.

The only thing not busy is my M ... we are still stuck at the same stage ... friendly, affectionate to a degree, talk a bit, but nothing else. I have pretty much detached again, and let go of the anxiety and stress over worrying about the why's of it all. No point really ... can't control him, but I will have fun with my life, and move on. I have no intention of leaving him though (at least, I have no plans in that direction, but it's always a possibility). If he is content with the way things are, then so be it. I had hoped for a better R, but if he's not willing to put in the effort, or if he's hiding something, or whatever, then so be it. It's not an unhappy M, actually, quite a nice one, but there is no thrills at all, no deep connections, or intimacy.

So be it. Despite my M, life is good. I have awesome children, fun interests, a possibly good, new career ahead, so I have no real complaints. In fact, I am grateful for all my blessings, and maybe one day, my H will realize what a treasure he has ... I know that I have a treasure in him (and I try and show him that, by being patient, kind, loving but detached, and interested in his life), but he is unaware of his own good points, and he has to come to that before he can truly plug into our R or any other, I would guess.

Take care, y'all.

[ACJ]

Time for me to say goodbye. Good luck with all your studies

[BeingMe]

Thanks ACJ! I hope the best for your studies too, and other parts of your life.

[BeingMe]

Hi, y'all! I just got back from Portland, OR, on Monday night. I spent a week with husband. No major breakthroughs, or anything, but it was nice to hang out. We also met a few new people, and that was fun.

Found these insightful quotes, which I will print and hang on my vision board (when I get around to doing one).

Edwin H. Friedman: "The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choices words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech."

Tom Robbins: "The bottom line is that (a) people are never perfect, but love can be, (b) that is the one and only way that the mediocre and vile can be transformed, and (c) doing that makes it that. We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love." Still Life With Woodpecker

[Concerned_Listener]

BM,
The last sentence of the Robbins quote is wonderful.

CL

[Phoenix_spark]

I love the quotes.

[BeingMe]

Just journalling some thoughts, and feelings .....

So, mother's day came and went. Got calls from faraway daughters (which I appreciated), and some nice prezzies from D15, S20 and H. I took D15 and S20 out for cake on Sunday night, since H had left for Portland.

I spoke to H while driving him to the airport, very calmly and unconfrontationally (is that a word?). I asked him how long I should still wait before we have a more intimate M (it's been 3 years since we reconciled). I asked him if he even thought we should continue with the M since he is clearly not interested in me on a deeper level (not just sexually, although that too, since it's been about a year since we last ML, and not more than a handful of times in the last 3 years). I feel we are good friends, but that is pretty much as far as it goes. I told him that I will not be waiting much longer, and if he had plans with someone else, then now is the time to implement them. He said there was no-one else, he has no plans on leaving once D15 finishes school in 2 years, and that he still loves me, yadda yadda. Nothing new! His words show his actions as lies.

I also told him how there are husbands on this site who wish their wives had warned them that the M was in serious trouble, so I want him to know that I have done that now. Once my decision to leave and D is made, then there will be no turning back. At this point in time, I'm not sure how I feel about my H.

I had hoped that spending time alone when I drove to Portland for that week, would be beneficial to our M. That we could reconnect, but there was nothing. I told him he made me feel I was in the way, in his space. He says, "no, I didn't". Once again not hearing what I'm saying, and telling me how I feel. Sure, he took me out to dinner, we drove to the coast, we went exploring the area, but there was no real connection. At dinner one night, I put my arms across the table and kinda played with his fingers .... NO response! I sheepishly took my hands back, and felt really stupid for even trying to be romantic. Not going there again.

So, folks! I am almost at the point of checking out of this M. I have tried everything I could (and more), and gotten nowhere. Sure, I got my H back, but not the one I married, or even an improved, more willing one. I think he still pines for the OW. Unless there is someone else. He certainly isn't interested in me, anyway.

Not sure what I'm going to do. Will have to play it by ear now, and see where each day takes me.

Piecing is worse than DB'ing! I thought DB'ing sucked, but it ain't nothing like piecing, especially when there seems to be just one person in the game.

Hope everyone else is having a better time of it. Don't take me wrong, though. I am not depressed or upset. In fact, I am feeling more and more certain about my life, the more detached I get from my M. I don't cry, or anything ... it just is what it is, and I will just get on with my life, and be excited about what is to come. Not much else I can do is there. I can't force my H to be madly in love with me. If he doesn't, he doesn't! I would just like to know, so that I can move on, and find someone (maybe) who does.

Robert Anderson said, "in every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage". I am losing the grounds for marriage I had when I first discovered the EA.

'Eh! Whatever!