Welcome back. I should be doing a million things other than reading here also. I still have lessons to learn I suppose and I have to believe they are as important as cleaning the bird cage.
Piecing is soooo hard. We worked soooo very hard to attain the goal of saving a marriage, it's a natural let down when we start to breathe again.
I think it's a time to make really sure that we don't slip back into the old patterns we changed and end up with the same marriage that went wrong. I remember an exchange with H that included my tearful exclamation that I didn't go through all this to end up where we were.
I also bought the Five Love Languages book. We haven't really started reading it together yet, but my buying it and talking with him about reading it together sent him the message that "Just because we are together again, the work is not done." We have WORK to do to heal and make this a better marriage than we had.
It is also a time to make new goals. We still need to stay detached. I mean that in the sense that we still, for the rest of our lives, need to rely on ourselves to find our happiness.
They hurt us. But. We TOLD them we wanted to work it out. We owe it to our family to give it time (yay! good on the 48 hour rule!)and our best effort.
They do not suddenly owe us more to make up for the pain. There is nothing they can do that will do that anyhow.
It is hell getting the trust back. You will doubt him. You will doubt yourself. You will roll your eyes and mutter "be careful what you wish for".
You sound good. You are looking at the coming of spring and playing in the dirt and the things that'll make you happy. You have your sense of humor. I can read it in your post this morning. Hang on to this, Ingrid, and don't give up for a little while. Don't stop DB-ing. Be the woman he'd be insane to lose and know you always have that choice. You have the upper hand. You don't NEED him. You want and deserve a healthy marriage with a faithful spouse. You showed him that. Don't forget that or lose your posture.
Vent to us. We have been there and understand. I promise YOU will get to a better place.
