So this is kinda eeeerie....but so "Spot On" I couldn't help but think that this could be directed towards you SF, as I was thinking about you as I closed up my home for the evening.
I checked my email and this was here...now my son is 27 so I knew it did not pertain to me, it pertained to the one that I was thinking about. You.
By the way.....I randomly look at these anymore. I only tend to read them when I am especially bothered by something. And yes, I am on day 237
FH!! HI
When are you in the South Florida area gain???
'One Day at a Time' from DivorceCare 365 days of healing and encouragement --------------------------------------------------------
Children do not need to be put in the position of having to choose which parent to live with, which parent to spend holidays with, or which parent to go out with Saturday night. Having to make those choices can be devastating for a child, and some children will try to please both parents.
"I remember one experience that to this day brings hurt," says Kennie, whose parents divorced. "My sister and I were with my dad, and my dad had called my mom on the phone. He wanted us to do something with him. My dad said to me, 'Well, you choose. Do you want to come do something with me, or do you want to go back with your mom and play Putt-Putt.'
"I didn't know how to read him. I thought, 'Does he want me to stay? Does he want me to go? What should I do?' So I said, 'Well, we'll go back.' Then he put on his sunglasses, and as he was driving us back, I could see the tears just coming down his face. That was real devastating to feel that pull and have to make choices."
Help your children to know that your love for them is not based on the choices they make or their words or behaviors. Show them that you love them unconditionally.
Unconditional love is what the heavenly Father has for you and your children. His love never fades, no matter what you do or say.
"The LORD appeared to us . . . saying: 'I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness'" (Jeremiah 31:3).
Heavenly Father, help me to show my children today in so many ways that I love them dearly. Amen.
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
H and S17 had been very close even before this mess and when H talks to him it is rarely about what H is going thru or doing and he never brings up OW but instead just discusses how mixed up in the head he is and about how he must stop the drinking.
Aside from that it is small talk about what S17 is doing that sort of thing.
I am not usually around when S is talking to H because it happens when I am at work or very very late at night.
What my daughter did, I had no idea and was unaware of it until over an hour after she sent her text message. She felt she had had enough and was never given the chance to express how she felt about her dad and what he was doing. Her words, her choice to tell him exactly what she felt. I never saw the text because she deleted it after she sent it. Sometimes out of the mouth of babes is better than coming from my mouth. I would never coach my kids on what to say to their dad.
As I always say, God is in control.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Oh Steelers, I am sorry. Strange that I should have posted this yesterday. "Hi Steelers, sorry the return didn't go well. I think and I really have no idea why! maybe you should DB your son a little. I find the dynamics a little strange here with him and his father."
Please do not allow your son to be disrespectful to you.You do not deserve this. With all due respect I would also not take anything your son tells you as gospel! He obviously has his own agenda and may not be relied on for truth. Good advice from others and I should be very careful what you say to your son. I hope this does not esculate to cause a split between the girls and your son. I hope you find the strength to set boundaries with your son, a different set of rules should apply to him. I know you feel you cannot set boundaries with him(your H) due to it being his house and financial implications.This must be so hard,I know you said it isn,t,but take care of you anyway. Take care.
SF, I empathise on the situation with your children. I have suffered on this one for a very long time. My kids are split over what they feel for their dad (again like your D of thier own accord) BUT it does make family life very difficult. Teens are not the best people to recognise and accept other's opinions at the best of times never mind during times of immense emotional stress.
I do still think H is being unfair to your S17 by using him to offload his problems. I know you say he isn't but if S17 is suddenly blaming you for all of this something has been said that neither of them are owning up to.
In my case I'm trying to work on getting my children to recognise and remember that they are siblings and that they should always be there for one another and that they should respect other's opinions even if they don't agree with them.
I know how hard this is. Take care
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
I totally agree that S17 should not be the one H relies on to talk to.
There already is a huge split between the girls and their brother because H always calls S17. Do you think H called the girls when he left or texted them? Nope not at all which is very sad.
H does not communicate with the girls much at all.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
Will give only one opinion.... do not speak to your children about your H at all... No discussions, no comments no questions nothing. Do not ask if he txts or calls.
I am telling you this from experience. I was right were you are 16 months ago when H left for a 3rd time and he talked my son and used him as a sounding board knowing it would get back to me.
Once the lines of communication stopped.... he had to communicate with me.
the kids will resent being put in the middle and it happens.
you have always had good communication with him and he came to the house.
I believe now you need to stop the daddy talk and get the kids focused on them and things to do with out involving him.
some how we get stuck in the middle and end up looking like the bad guy.
yous s and H's R... teenager and mlc teenager... most likely.
{{{hugs}}}
m24 yrs h 50 me 47 s 21 s 17 left 5-30-06, and 12-4-06 still gone.............
There already is a huge split between the girls and their brother because H always calls S17
This is exactly what has happened in our house except it isn't telephone calls it's spending time with S15 and not his sisters (unless of course you count once a month for breakfast).
HB2 is right. Stop asking them about H it only infuriates them. Of course listen if they offer information but don't fish for it. I've started doing this and also not being available on the odd occassion that he does come round to the house. So far I have seen no difference but H will have done b/c I've stopped reacting to what the kids tell me (most of the time now I don't know what he has said/done).
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
FWIW: S17 does not divulge information his dad shares with him.
The only thing he told me the other day is that his dad is very afraid of me because of the text H sent me on my way to work which basically said:
I can't do this anymore. I am miserable.
As for the girls, H does not spend time with them hardly at all and if/when he does, it is how is the weather type conversation if any at all.
The split has to do with how H has treated the kids from the beginning of this ordeal.
If you'll recall, H told all of the kids he was having an affair, then he would get drunk and call OW in front of the girls and tell them that he was talking to his baby. H never would do these things in front of S17. The girls had to endure a lot more then S17 could ever imagine.
I do not say anything negative about H at all so what their opinions are, are based on his actions and words.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
I have so much empathy for you SF b/c this is exactly how my H behaves towards our Ds. D17 is particularly hurt by this b/c before he left she and H were extremely close. She actually feels replaced by OW(when in fact it is me who should feel this way - and I do).
Me 43 XH 45 M 2.7.88 Divorce 7.10.09 Kids D20,S17 & D15
SF - first let me way how VERY sorry I am. My h has done this, and it is devastating when they run again, because however much we try not to, we let our guard down. But it is a sign that he isn't done yet, and actually although not as good as staying and working on the r, perhaps better than staying and not working on the r, if you see what I mean!
I had a long chat with my youngest son last night, who usually does not disucss his father, and I agree it isn't approp[riate, unless they are struggling emotinally. And let's face it MLC is not like a 'normal' separation. We are all dealing with someone saying and doing the most hurtful and inapprpriate things.
ANnyway my son said he thought his father had real issues with women, and i wondered if this might be why your h can't realte to his daughters right now? I only have sons, so don't know how my h would relate to a daughter, but he is now trying to move back into his son's lives much more than he did a few months ago.
