Your kind words gave my PMA a quick boost - Thanks. I think your right about my W. She expects a lot and her communication skills could use some work. For years she's shutdown on me when things heated up. I always thought because we didn't argue our M was okay. When silently she was keeping score.
Jack, thanks for noticing the positive in the hug. I don't think my W has an F'n clue of what to do.
Fix, I think that if you do go dark, based on what she has done...she isn't expecting it. She knows what buttons are going to do what, she can make you dance.
You don't react, you pull back, hell she gave you a hug. Unless I am mistaken she normally doesn't initiate anything with you, right?
I think you're going to see some 'strange' behaviour from her until she can get a grip on what exactly is going on and why isn't Fix reacting the way he normally does?
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
Hate the games too Fixer, not in me, I'm a heart on my sleeve kinda gal, but try not to think of it as a game but more of a method of coping w/ your wifes' mlc right now.
If you are determined to stay in your M, ( and I was for 4 yrs till he filed) then do whatever you can to make you feel better and your D of course. Like everything else in life, it gets easier and remember nothing worth having comes easy,,not sure if thats true, but people tell me that one lol
Good Luck and Have a nice weekend!
Be Happy for this Moment, This Moment is your Life
I'm still keeping my distance. I've been using the thought stop technique a lot today. When I think things are better I move closer and I usually get burnt. When I think there's a future with my W that's when I thought stop.
You may be right about her knowing which buttons to push. When she pushed them all at once I walked out of the MC's office. The hugs were my idea and she's hugging me now b/c she thinks I want them. The hugs were more of a habit then a want. I think it was her way of trying to set things back to when she had control.
Thanks for helping me prepare for what's to come.
Karen - I've been told I wear my heart on my sleeve too. I hope this gets easier. For D10s sake I want to stay in this M.
I think that going Dark/Dim. Is wonderful. For you. I think your heart needs a break from the ups and downs. I know you love her, and want to be there for her.
I just want you to focus and pamper and love yourself, you deserve it.
She needs to miss you, and feel the loss of you.
She is used to you always being there.
Sometimes you give an inch and people take a yard.
Detaching, to me. Is something that just comes over you. You will no longer react to what they say, or do.
Focus on you and your D. Spring is coming. Look up stuff for the both of you to do together.
Just the 2 of you. If your W wants to join you guys . cool. If she doesn't that is cool too, b/c you are going to be in the company of your daughter.
Doing anything for a reaction from her, never works sweetie.
You used to tell me that. Remember?
Yes, you are wonderful. Don't let anyone ever tell you or make you feel other wise.
Have a wonderful weekend.
HUGS
Live Simply Love Generously Care Deeply Speak Kindly Leave the rest to God
After all these years I have to go dark. It doesn't sound fair. Doesn't matter I've been doing for me. The more I detach the happier she seems to be. Maybe, we should part ways? I know D10 and I don't think she's strong enought to go through a D. She's going though a rebelious stage right now. I wouldn't want her to think any of this was her fault.
I've gone dark for about a week. My W seems happier than ever. I'm keeping my distance I know going dark is for me and its helping. I'm human and it hurts not knowing if I will have a meaningful relationship with her.
More and more I've been thinking about dating. It's more thought than action, but I'm getting tired. I don't like thinking this way but I'd like some companionship in my life. Not a woman who does what she wants.
I called my W to make sure she's set with the debt consolidation company. I reminded her that she still owes me some money. She said she wanted to wait, which I'm okay with. Then I asked her if she made an appointment with the MC. She said no and she would call him later. I told her it was up to her to make the appointments if she feels they are necessary. All I'm going to do is make sure she's ontrack with the credit card company.
I know its only been two weeks but it's difficult going dark.
I struggle with going dark daily. Mostly it's been good for me (even with the struggles), but when I need to talk with H about D's, I find I don't really want to.
Tough as it may be, I like the way you're handling this. It gives me ideas.
I hope you can get something from this. I feel I'm loosing ground on my R. To go to bed at night alone... then my W slips in and I turn away from her. To see her number come up on my cell phone and decide to let it go to voicemail isn't me. I want so much and she wants so little.
Going dark has its benefits. I don't hurt as much as before. I do what I want and don't care that she doesn't want to join me. I listen to her arguments without any emotion. I save alot of money on the MC.
Fixer (Looking for the positives in an negative relationship)
