H is Having Affair after all - Part 2

[Evie]

Thanks 25yrs.

I know i am luckier than most. I know i have a H who is willing to try to at least compromise and try and find a resolution.

I know you said to distance from him, but in our case it doesn't work, there will be time in the future to distance, right now i have decisions to make that affect our children. If i don't talk to him he comes at me with anger, if i keep on with the contact it keeps him calm and rational to an extent.

I have found that he is moving the goal posts on what he wants me to consider, for example when his mom died she left him £25,000 pounds. We moved house with it and he is now asking for the £25,000 back!! I have said no and that he is unreasonable to try and claim it back, after all he was happy enough at the time to put into the property. That just makes me feel sad, he appears to be negating our whole lives together.

I have decided a fresh start is what i need, the house will always be ours and he'll always treat it as that. It is too big for me now. The girls are ok about the move and are quite excited.

I haven't agreed or signed anything yet. I want to go back to the solicitor with my proposed plan for her and let her decide if my decisions are viable.

On a personal note, i lost my temper in front of the boys earlier this week and scared them, then i cried and sobbed. I find i'm turning in on myself and just want to get in from work, get my pyjamas on and sleep. I don't want to be with couples. I cried last week when my yoga teacher touched me (skin to skin contact with another being other than my kids), i missed being hugged.

However, i do feel a lot better than a week ago. That initial panic has subsided as i've been proactive with the few small steps i have taken.

H wrote another email to d1 in France 2 weeks ago (she only told me this week), by the sounds of it it was similiar to what XH had told D2 ie i had had an affair with h. I think basically he was trying to justify himself and the A. She said she thinks he is a pr*t and didn't respond. She won't let me read it, she said it upset her and a lot of the content was patronising and inappropriate and would make me angry.